I hate waiting for things..
I even hate waiting for things I don't want/like/want to do.
I've been putting off preparing for the upcoming semester; I need books, folders, notebooks, etc. and I should go get them, since I can charge them to my student account, and my VA vocational rehabilitation benefits cover the cost. But no, I haven't done it. I have about 2 weeks more to go.
Why haven't I done it, if I so loathe waiting for things?
I also loathe making trips with only one purpose. It's a huge waste of my time and gas to drive 45 minutes JUST to pick up my books for school. But I'm broke, and don't need much right now..
So I've figured out a solution!
I have a bunch of guppies that I no longer want to keep in my aquariums. There are a number of fish stores in the area. I'm going to offer them, for store trade for blackworms or something, to one of the shops.
Normally I wouldn't be trying to get rid of a pet... it's not a thing I like to do -the birds were an exception, because they aggravated my condition, and I did not choose to have them in the first place; I inherited them because I was the only person both willing and able to care for them- but in this case, it's either I get rid of them now, or wait until there are so many of them that they die off.
Because that's what guppies do.. they breed. a lot. Unlike mammals, they can't really be sterilized (nor, seriously, would I bother..) and I have so many plants in my tank that the babies don't get eaten at nearly the rate necessary to maintain population levels. I had 3 fish for a long time, I now have 2 dozen, all born after January of this year. I want to replace them with Endlers, which is another type of guppy (more or less), and so they breed just as quickly, however unlike my common guppies, endlers are actually worth selling... incredibly difficult to come across pure genetic stock (with paperwork) because they so easily breed with other guppies, but worth the investment. It beats giving away babies every few months or hoping they get eaten
So I want to multi-task my trip. And I don't feel like catching a buttload of tiny guppy fry (they are about 1-2 months old presently, just barely big enough for reliable sexing). And I don't really feel like going to get my textbooks.
This is what procrastination looks like.. It's not just not doing things, it's finding really "legitimate" reasons for not doing things, and sticking with those rationalizations as though life itself depended upon it.
But really, why would I want to be productive in my last 2 weeks of freedom for the summer?
After all, I have 4 cats to take to the vet, 6 months worth of canned cat food to buy, cat trees and shelves to build and install, an aquarium to design and build, gardening to do, rooms to clean, etc etc etc etc etc. The list never ends; I could get a lot done, if only I wanted to.
So what's wrong with putting it off a bit more? I'm already in a holding pattern for future events. Might as well extend that to the other tasks needing completion. Then I can get everything done at once, and feel exceptionally accomplished.
After all, I did just do my laundry. That's something.
Showing posts with label decisions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label decisions. Show all posts
Saturday, August 15, 2015
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
It's not even the incisions...
So I had the surgery yesterday, and my babymaker no longer functions as-intended. Win.
It was surprisingly low-key, considering my anxiety.
I did find out I've lost even more weight, though.. I'm down to 108# from my usually-consistent 123#, a situation which I find quite upsetting; eating more means more pain due to my ongoing tummy problems, and not eating more means I could easily become even less healthy.. I'll have to talk to my primary care doctor about it when I call regarding depo, especially since I think I may have pinned down the cause. On the plus side, my distress over actually losing weight seems to have convinced my partner that, no, despite my jokes about "working off that meal", I'm not actually interested in losing weight, just maintaining the same size I've been since middle school (which I do usually without conscious thought. I don't go out of my way to stay the same size; I don't weigh myself or measure or anything, and most of my waistbands are elastic so I have no reference other than visual).
Anyway..
My attending nurse was also childless and had a hysterectomy, and totally understood when I said I was only getting my tubes tied because they wouldn't let me have my uterus removed. She had hers done by laproscope, just like mine, so although it was a bigger surgery, she knew what I could expect, more or less.
She was super good about my intense sarcasm, and was surprised by my unwavering bluntness (it's just who I am, and I rather like it, because nobody ever has to guess about me, and get it wrong).
She commented positively on my lack of moving even slightly, despite watching what she was doing, when she attempted the IV in my right hand, and wrist, and when I told her she was better off, despite appearances to the contrary, using my left, I didn't flinch for that, either, and she got it on the first go. My viens are strange; on the right, they are very visible and look perfect for tapping, but can almost never be hit.. On my left, they look less amazing, and are harder to see, but can be hit on the first go just about every single time (as in.. I've yet to have even folks in training miss on that side)
Then I explained that I was keeping track of my age with piercings, and had gotten a bunch through the years that I didn't keep. It all made sense. She was super apologetic about missing twice, and my response was merely "eh, I figured it would happen, but it doesn't bother me much at all".
My partner sat with me while we waited, and we watched one of the new spiderman movies from start to finish, so that was a really good way of keeping my mind off what was to come, but honestly, the IV was the worst bit of pre-surgery.
One of the other nurses gave me a hard time about my dermal anchors, even with the tops removed, and finally I was like "well, for what it's worth, I regret them, and I would take them out if that didn't require a surgery all on it's own.." She then demanded to know how they got them in, and I told her the rather unpleasant process of making 3 piercings to make a pocket, and slipping the jewelry in, letting the skin grow through the back of the anchor. I told her how long ago I got them, and that they had finally stopped, for the most part, giving me major problems, and she cooled down a bit and explained how cauterizing can lead to burns, especially with a surgery so close to them. I told her I appreciated the info, and that it was a risk I simply had to be willing to take, at this point. That seemed to be enough. There's not much I can do about something I did 5 years ago, short of, as mentioned, surgery.. the anchors need to be cut out, and the process is much worse than implanting them (that process, by the by... sucks..)
They wheeled me into the OR, and I was still awake so I was asking all sorts of questions about the equipment. They showed me a few devices that they were going to use on me, and I told them I liked that they were willing to share and explain. They responded that it's not all that often someone wants to know, beforehand, what's going on for surgery. They have this cool reflex tester deal that they put on your hand to send shocks through to make sure everything is working. They wouldn't hook it up while I was awake, which is a shame, because now I'm super curious how it feels.
Nobody got my joke about the machine that goes "BING!" from Monty Python, which was disappointing, but I asked if they were going to be rocking out to any awesome jams, and the guy in charge of the OR laughed and said "not in my OR", to which the nurses laughed and said "but as soon as he leaves the room!!!"
My mom was an RN, and worked in nearly ever field an RN can; OR, ER, prenatal, maternity, pre-op, assisted living, nursing home, the lot. She used to tell me about how they worked, and how they rocked out to music while the patient was under. She also used to comment about how much she hated the rude people, so I did my best to be entirely accommodating, even a bit helpful.
I don't really recall them injecting the anesthetic, but I recall asking what specific drug it was (as I did with everything else they put in it, because I'm curious) and we got to skip right over that boring counting stuff, because they had the perfect stuff (medical equipment and knowledge) to keep me happy and non-stressed.
I woke up in agony. They gave me a few shots of painkillers, but it didn't come close to going away.. it got better, for sure, but nothing near relief.
It was very unpleasant. The gasses they used to blow up my abdomen lingered like crazy. I still have some huge major bubbles and a ton of subsurface tiny bubbles, and they still hurt. Because of the added pressure in strange places, my back and shoulders also hurt.
When the pain subsided somewhat, they wheeled me into my recovery room where my partner was waiting for me. Then there was a boring bit while I just laid there and made him give me water every few minutes, between conversation and a lot of complaining.
While I was in recovery, my surgeon came by to check on me, let me know that the surgery went well, and said he thought I might be interested to see my clips, since I'm a strange patient. Turns out, he made me a nice, glossy, full-color copy of the pictures, and presented them to me with a flourish. I, being the strange duck that I am, was thrilled. I asked all about what I was seeing, and now I have a picture of each ovary, my Fallopian tubes, and both clips. You can't ask for more! I might frame them. Proof that I'm sterile.
They wanted me to stick around until I could use the bathroom (they apparently used a catheter), and I wanted to leave because we still had a 2.5 hour drive home, so I managed well before I needed or wanted to go, and that, too, was highly unpleasant.
The drive home sort of sucked, although I think I passed out for an hour or so, because when we got to what I thought was Fond Du Lac, we were actually in Oshkosh (30-45 min difference). Bumpy roads were painful, and I curled up in the back seat for a while trying to relocate some of the gas bubbles (something I'm very accustomed to doing with intestinal gas).
The only bad thing, so far, other than the pain.. was the bleeding. They used some sort of liquid bandage sealant stuff rather than bandages, but one of the incisions didn't close up completely, so in the car, it started oozing blood. Unpleasant. We had to stop and look for paper towel, but there wasn't any at the rest stop, so I fished an old but clean shirt out of my trunk and used that. Not ideal, but workable.
The gas pain has been bothering me since I woke up from surgery, but I found that increasing blood flow increases absorption rate of CO2 gas (the same way as muscle fatigue) so I did some exercises that didn't hurt, but would increase my heart rate slightly, as well as increase the blood flow to abdominal muscles. It seemed to help with some of it, but there's enough left that I think it will be another day or two yet, at least. I'm trying not to limit my normal activities too much, since couch-potato-ing decreases blood flow and thus increases recovery time.
I'm also trying to find a cat to sit on my lap and purr, but none of them seem to want to be that close to my blood. (I'm not forcing the matter, of course, but my invitations have been ignored thusfar)
Why would I want a cat so close? Simply, the cat's purr is special; it vibrates at a frequency that can speed up healing, which is why cats seem to survive things you'd think would kill them. The frequencies (~25 htz for the base frequency and ~50 for the first harmonic frequency) have been shown in lab settings to promote healing of bones, reduce inflammation and swelling, and reduce pain, to say nothing of the illness rates in cats being significantly lower than would be expected. It works so well that devices are being made based on the cat purr frequencies for healing bones that are having problems doing so naturally (such as old or compromised patients)
All told, I'm still glad I did it. This is a reasonably small price to pay for peace of mind. I now know, almost for certain, that I will never need to have an abortion.
And such excellent timing, too; if my partner wants to be around babies, especially now that he knows for sure we aren't having any, his niece just found out she was about 5 weeks pregnant, so that need, if it becomes a need, has an outlet. I even told him he's welcome to babysit if he wants to, which was met by the most vigorous head shake of no I've ever seen from him. It was magical.
Sorry for rambling; I'm a bit drugged up for this post. They offered me vicodin and codine, and I declined both because they never work for me (I literally cannot tell when I've taken them or haven't, and I have some skill in those matters), so they sent me home with 600MG ibuprofin and 5mg oxy/35mg acetaminophen. Today is an oxy day.
Perhaps I'll have something more to write when I'm a bit more sober. Perhaps I'll sleep all day. :p
It was surprisingly low-key, considering my anxiety.
I did find out I've lost even more weight, though.. I'm down to 108# from my usually-consistent 123#, a situation which I find quite upsetting; eating more means more pain due to my ongoing tummy problems, and not eating more means I could easily become even less healthy.. I'll have to talk to my primary care doctor about it when I call regarding depo, especially since I think I may have pinned down the cause. On the plus side, my distress over actually losing weight seems to have convinced my partner that, no, despite my jokes about "working off that meal", I'm not actually interested in losing weight, just maintaining the same size I've been since middle school (which I do usually without conscious thought. I don't go out of my way to stay the same size; I don't weigh myself or measure or anything, and most of my waistbands are elastic so I have no reference other than visual).
Anyway..
My attending nurse was also childless and had a hysterectomy, and totally understood when I said I was only getting my tubes tied because they wouldn't let me have my uterus removed. She had hers done by laproscope, just like mine, so although it was a bigger surgery, she knew what I could expect, more or less.
She was super good about my intense sarcasm, and was surprised by my unwavering bluntness (it's just who I am, and I rather like it, because nobody ever has to guess about me, and get it wrong).
She commented positively on my lack of moving even slightly, despite watching what she was doing, when she attempted the IV in my right hand, and wrist, and when I told her she was better off, despite appearances to the contrary, using my left, I didn't flinch for that, either, and she got it on the first go. My viens are strange; on the right, they are very visible and look perfect for tapping, but can almost never be hit.. On my left, they look less amazing, and are harder to see, but can be hit on the first go just about every single time (as in.. I've yet to have even folks in training miss on that side)
Then I explained that I was keeping track of my age with piercings, and had gotten a bunch through the years that I didn't keep. It all made sense. She was super apologetic about missing twice, and my response was merely "eh, I figured it would happen, but it doesn't bother me much at all".
My partner sat with me while we waited, and we watched one of the new spiderman movies from start to finish, so that was a really good way of keeping my mind off what was to come, but honestly, the IV was the worst bit of pre-surgery.
One of the other nurses gave me a hard time about my dermal anchors, even with the tops removed, and finally I was like "well, for what it's worth, I regret them, and I would take them out if that didn't require a surgery all on it's own.." She then demanded to know how they got them in, and I told her the rather unpleasant process of making 3 piercings to make a pocket, and slipping the jewelry in, letting the skin grow through the back of the anchor. I told her how long ago I got them, and that they had finally stopped, for the most part, giving me major problems, and she cooled down a bit and explained how cauterizing can lead to burns, especially with a surgery so close to them. I told her I appreciated the info, and that it was a risk I simply had to be willing to take, at this point. That seemed to be enough. There's not much I can do about something I did 5 years ago, short of, as mentioned, surgery.. the anchors need to be cut out, and the process is much worse than implanting them (that process, by the by... sucks..)
They wheeled me into the OR, and I was still awake so I was asking all sorts of questions about the equipment. They showed me a few devices that they were going to use on me, and I told them I liked that they were willing to share and explain. They responded that it's not all that often someone wants to know, beforehand, what's going on for surgery. They have this cool reflex tester deal that they put on your hand to send shocks through to make sure everything is working. They wouldn't hook it up while I was awake, which is a shame, because now I'm super curious how it feels.
Nobody got my joke about the machine that goes "BING!" from Monty Python, which was disappointing, but I asked if they were going to be rocking out to any awesome jams, and the guy in charge of the OR laughed and said "not in my OR", to which the nurses laughed and said "but as soon as he leaves the room!!!"
My mom was an RN, and worked in nearly ever field an RN can; OR, ER, prenatal, maternity, pre-op, assisted living, nursing home, the lot. She used to tell me about how they worked, and how they rocked out to music while the patient was under. She also used to comment about how much she hated the rude people, so I did my best to be entirely accommodating, even a bit helpful.
I don't really recall them injecting the anesthetic, but I recall asking what specific drug it was (as I did with everything else they put in it, because I'm curious) and we got to skip right over that boring counting stuff, because they had the perfect stuff (medical equipment and knowledge) to keep me happy and non-stressed.
I woke up in agony. They gave me a few shots of painkillers, but it didn't come close to going away.. it got better, for sure, but nothing near relief.
It was very unpleasant. The gasses they used to blow up my abdomen lingered like crazy. I still have some huge major bubbles and a ton of subsurface tiny bubbles, and they still hurt. Because of the added pressure in strange places, my back and shoulders also hurt.
When the pain subsided somewhat, they wheeled me into my recovery room where my partner was waiting for me. Then there was a boring bit while I just laid there and made him give me water every few minutes, between conversation and a lot of complaining.
While I was in recovery, my surgeon came by to check on me, let me know that the surgery went well, and said he thought I might be interested to see my clips, since I'm a strange patient. Turns out, he made me a nice, glossy, full-color copy of the pictures, and presented them to me with a flourish. I, being the strange duck that I am, was thrilled. I asked all about what I was seeing, and now I have a picture of each ovary, my Fallopian tubes, and both clips. You can't ask for more! I might frame them. Proof that I'm sterile.
They wanted me to stick around until I could use the bathroom (they apparently used a catheter), and I wanted to leave because we still had a 2.5 hour drive home, so I managed well before I needed or wanted to go, and that, too, was highly unpleasant.
The drive home sort of sucked, although I think I passed out for an hour or so, because when we got to what I thought was Fond Du Lac, we were actually in Oshkosh (30-45 min difference). Bumpy roads were painful, and I curled up in the back seat for a while trying to relocate some of the gas bubbles (something I'm very accustomed to doing with intestinal gas).
The only bad thing, so far, other than the pain.. was the bleeding. They used some sort of liquid bandage sealant stuff rather than bandages, but one of the incisions didn't close up completely, so in the car, it started oozing blood. Unpleasant. We had to stop and look for paper towel, but there wasn't any at the rest stop, so I fished an old but clean shirt out of my trunk and used that. Not ideal, but workable.
The gas pain has been bothering me since I woke up from surgery, but I found that increasing blood flow increases absorption rate of CO2 gas (the same way as muscle fatigue) so I did some exercises that didn't hurt, but would increase my heart rate slightly, as well as increase the blood flow to abdominal muscles. It seemed to help with some of it, but there's enough left that I think it will be another day or two yet, at least. I'm trying not to limit my normal activities too much, since couch-potato-ing decreases blood flow and thus increases recovery time.
I'm also trying to find a cat to sit on my lap and purr, but none of them seem to want to be that close to my blood. (I'm not forcing the matter, of course, but my invitations have been ignored thusfar)
Why would I want a cat so close? Simply, the cat's purr is special; it vibrates at a frequency that can speed up healing, which is why cats seem to survive things you'd think would kill them. The frequencies (~25 htz for the base frequency and ~50 for the first harmonic frequency) have been shown in lab settings to promote healing of bones, reduce inflammation and swelling, and reduce pain, to say nothing of the illness rates in cats being significantly lower than would be expected. It works so well that devices are being made based on the cat purr frequencies for healing bones that are having problems doing so naturally (such as old or compromised patients)
All told, I'm still glad I did it. This is a reasonably small price to pay for peace of mind. I now know, almost for certain, that I will never need to have an abortion.
And such excellent timing, too; if my partner wants to be around babies, especially now that he knows for sure we aren't having any, his niece just found out she was about 5 weeks pregnant, so that need, if it becomes a need, has an outlet. I even told him he's welcome to babysit if he wants to, which was met by the most vigorous head shake of no I've ever seen from him. It was magical.
Sorry for rambling; I'm a bit drugged up for this post. They offered me vicodin and codine, and I declined both because they never work for me (I literally cannot tell when I've taken them or haven't, and I have some skill in those matters), so they sent me home with 600MG ibuprofin and 5mg oxy/35mg acetaminophen. Today is an oxy day.
Perhaps I'll have something more to write when I'm a bit more sober. Perhaps I'll sleep all day. :p
Thursday, July 16, 2015
What's good for me...
I'm trying to talk boyfriendicus in to letting me add 2 more cats to my home (an adorable bonded pair of 8-year-old neutered male Siamese mix, just like one of my existing cats but with darker coloring).
He's not as thrilled at the prospect as I am, even though he doesn't do the labor of love for them; feeding, water, boxes, the bulk of attention and "training", and the majority of constructing toys and cat furniture, that's my job, and that's totally fine with me. They are, after all, my cats, and I am, after all, home a lot more often. My cats fill the social void in my life, especially when I'm not feeling well enough to be social with people. They are my companions, and I don't mind doing things for them, although I do sometimes have difficulty finding the drive to do said tasks in a timely manor.
I've been reading a lot lately about how having multiple cats actually makes said cats interact more pleasantly, and that, I think, is something my existing cats would like. As it stands, I have one very active cat, Scooter, a 2 year-old Siamese mix, and on not-so-active cat, a 7 year-old domestic short-hair named Gin (pronounced ghii-n, which is Japanese for "silver") who's communication skills are.. well.. not the best. Giving them a pair of cats to befriend increases the chance that both existing cats will find something to like, and should greatly reduce the existing friction. And that's what I want.
Yes, one additional cat can serve that function as well, but 2 give more of a buffer. When resources are plentiful, cats do best in groups. Goes straight against everything we've been told, no? But there it is. Cats are very intelligent, and very social, and just like people, they want friends to share activities with. If there are only 2 cats, and they don't have the same personality and interests, there will be friction as they continually ask each other for things they won't get. Just like with human friends, though, even 2 very similar cats won't like all the same activities. It's rare to find a human who likes skydiving, playing classical piano, going to clubs, and, say, cooking... all in the same person. Similarly, it's difficult to find a cat who will like everything the existing cats like, especially since the existing cats are so different in personality.
I've explained the logic, but it's so counter to everything we grow up hearing and believing that it's not going well on the convincing end. His concerns seem to focus around the litter boxes, and the need to change them more often. I don't see this being the case, as I strictly follow the "one box per cat plus one" rule, though I would probably do "one per cat plus one per 2" so I would have 6, not 5. Since I use shredded paper from craigslist for litter, this wouldn't cost any more than it does now, though the compost pile will grow more quickly. With the right number of boxes, the frequency of changes shouldn't be a concern, nor should it be significantly different than now.
The food cost is another issue he's citing. And I'll give him that. Canned food is a bit pricey, but I buy it in bulk every 6 months when I get my school money, so that when I'm broke, it's OK; I will still have food for them. The cost of food would double from $200/6mths to ~$400/6mths. Most people pay that in litter, alone. The place I buy canned food has the best prices I've found for a quality selection (~$0.30/can), and they do a bulk-order discount, so for every 10 flats (box of 24 cans) I get one free flat. I'd be buying 30 flats every 6 months, so I'd get 3 flats free. We have a basement we never use for anything, so I have no major concerns over where to put it all, and the saved effort of going to get it when I run out is more than worth the effort of buying it all at once.
As for the time and amusement needs, that's the joy of multiple cats; they spend time with each other, and it reduces the interaction need with humans. This isn't to say I don't care to spend a bunch of time with the cats, especially 4 of them, but the type of interaction would be different. More companionship, less guided play, because they can play together a lot better than they can play with a human. My cats currently have a bunch of pent-up energy that we can't properly discharge; Scooter has a boatload of energy, and assumes that all toys are for him all the time, which prevents my more relaxed cat from feeling comfortable playing. 2 more cats could even this out nicely, and allow me special time with the first cat I adopted on my own, Gin.
He seems to think that older cats are not as good as the younger ones, but as it turns out, they just take longer to acclimate. Indeed, older cats are likely to be better in the long run, because they were ripped from a happy home through no fault of their own, and just want a new friend or two. These two would be roughly the same age as Gin, so they should have the same level of maturity,if not the same level of activity. That's a good setup, and sure you could do it with just one cat, but it doesn't give the same friendship opportunities for the cats, especially when they aren't the same personality.
The current dynamic in the house isn't the greatest. Boyfriendicus doesn't seem too interested in learning (on his own) how to be friends with my cats, although after I explained how just being in the room with him was a sign from Gin that she was ready to be his friend, he took to acknowledging her presence and giving her kitty kisses (slowly-blinked eyes). This means, to me, that the whole situation could very easily change, and for the better, with just a bit of work from the two of us, and that translates DIRECTLY to cohesion with a new set of cats, as well. Every trick he learns to interact with Gin, who is really a very sweet kitty with a rough history and trust issues, is one more trick to apply to new cats.
Every effort given to the cats we have now is an effort that will have much weight when the existing cats show the new ones the ropes "see that big human? The one who who isn't home all day? Yeah, he's completely clueless, but he's trying, go give him some love". Cats can communicate complex ideas, just like we can. We just don't understand them, and so assume it doesn't happen. This, I think, is the point above all others that should encourage friendship; if you have it with one, you are more likely to have it with the others. They understand effort, and they appreciate it.
He's concerned that doubling the cat population in the house will lead to new problems, but I've seen the way Gin and Scooter interact with the neighborhood cats from their outdoor 8x9x9 enclosure. They want to be social, but on their own terms. That is to say, they want to be social, just not with each other, because their needs aren't being properly met with the current setup. If Scooter could get his play out with other active cats, he could leave Gin in peace, and she might actually like him. She tries really hard to like him now, and even grooms him occasionally, she just can't be his best friend right now because he pesters her for play.
My conundrum is this; I really, honestly, think 2 cats, especially an older but active pair which are significantly less likely to be adopted (both because they are older, and because there are two which cannot be separated), would be a good fit for us. Boyfriendicus brought up the idea of getting another cat, so it's clear that he enjoys them, and I've always had cats, and view pats as a "the more the merrier" situation. Their behaviors and interactions are fascinating, and I feel good when I make them feel good.
I want to convince him that it's our best best for a happy home, but at the same time, I respect his opinion, and he shares this home, so it impacts him, as well. The last time I went to the shelter to get a cat, I tried to convince him to get 2, and he said no. We should have gotten 2 then, and I probably wouldn't be looking now.
I did tell him if we got 2 more, I wouldn't want more until one of them died, and it's true; 4 is all I want, it's my kitty limit. I just want there to be at least one cat available most of the time for affection, and I want them all happy. Those aren't such bad goals, especially for a household with no intention of having kids.
He's not as thrilled at the prospect as I am, even though he doesn't do the labor of love for them; feeding, water, boxes, the bulk of attention and "training", and the majority of constructing toys and cat furniture, that's my job, and that's totally fine with me. They are, after all, my cats, and I am, after all, home a lot more often. My cats fill the social void in my life, especially when I'm not feeling well enough to be social with people. They are my companions, and I don't mind doing things for them, although I do sometimes have difficulty finding the drive to do said tasks in a timely manor.
I've been reading a lot lately about how having multiple cats actually makes said cats interact more pleasantly, and that, I think, is something my existing cats would like. As it stands, I have one very active cat, Scooter, a 2 year-old Siamese mix, and on not-so-active cat, a 7 year-old domestic short-hair named Gin (pronounced ghii-n, which is Japanese for "silver") who's communication skills are.. well.. not the best. Giving them a pair of cats to befriend increases the chance that both existing cats will find something to like, and should greatly reduce the existing friction. And that's what I want.
Yes, one additional cat can serve that function as well, but 2 give more of a buffer. When resources are plentiful, cats do best in groups. Goes straight against everything we've been told, no? But there it is. Cats are very intelligent, and very social, and just like people, they want friends to share activities with. If there are only 2 cats, and they don't have the same personality and interests, there will be friction as they continually ask each other for things they won't get. Just like with human friends, though, even 2 very similar cats won't like all the same activities. It's rare to find a human who likes skydiving, playing classical piano, going to clubs, and, say, cooking... all in the same person. Similarly, it's difficult to find a cat who will like everything the existing cats like, especially since the existing cats are so different in personality.
I've explained the logic, but it's so counter to everything we grow up hearing and believing that it's not going well on the convincing end. His concerns seem to focus around the litter boxes, and the need to change them more often. I don't see this being the case, as I strictly follow the "one box per cat plus one" rule, though I would probably do "one per cat plus one per 2" so I would have 6, not 5. Since I use shredded paper from craigslist for litter, this wouldn't cost any more than it does now, though the compost pile will grow more quickly. With the right number of boxes, the frequency of changes shouldn't be a concern, nor should it be significantly different than now.
The food cost is another issue he's citing. And I'll give him that. Canned food is a bit pricey, but I buy it in bulk every 6 months when I get my school money, so that when I'm broke, it's OK; I will still have food for them. The cost of food would double from $200/6mths to ~$400/6mths. Most people pay that in litter, alone. The place I buy canned food has the best prices I've found for a quality selection (~$0.30/can), and they do a bulk-order discount, so for every 10 flats (box of 24 cans) I get one free flat. I'd be buying 30 flats every 6 months, so I'd get 3 flats free. We have a basement we never use for anything, so I have no major concerns over where to put it all, and the saved effort of going to get it when I run out is more than worth the effort of buying it all at once.
As for the time and amusement needs, that's the joy of multiple cats; they spend time with each other, and it reduces the interaction need with humans. This isn't to say I don't care to spend a bunch of time with the cats, especially 4 of them, but the type of interaction would be different. More companionship, less guided play, because they can play together a lot better than they can play with a human. My cats currently have a bunch of pent-up energy that we can't properly discharge; Scooter has a boatload of energy, and assumes that all toys are for him all the time, which prevents my more relaxed cat from feeling comfortable playing. 2 more cats could even this out nicely, and allow me special time with the first cat I adopted on my own, Gin.
He seems to think that older cats are not as good as the younger ones, but as it turns out, they just take longer to acclimate. Indeed, older cats are likely to be better in the long run, because they were ripped from a happy home through no fault of their own, and just want a new friend or two. These two would be roughly the same age as Gin, so they should have the same level of maturity,if not the same level of activity. That's a good setup, and sure you could do it with just one cat, but it doesn't give the same friendship opportunities for the cats, especially when they aren't the same personality.
The current dynamic in the house isn't the greatest. Boyfriendicus doesn't seem too interested in learning (on his own) how to be friends with my cats, although after I explained how just being in the room with him was a sign from Gin that she was ready to be his friend, he took to acknowledging her presence and giving her kitty kisses (slowly-blinked eyes). This means, to me, that the whole situation could very easily change, and for the better, with just a bit of work from the two of us, and that translates DIRECTLY to cohesion with a new set of cats, as well. Every trick he learns to interact with Gin, who is really a very sweet kitty with a rough history and trust issues, is one more trick to apply to new cats.
Every effort given to the cats we have now is an effort that will have much weight when the existing cats show the new ones the ropes "see that big human? The one who who isn't home all day? Yeah, he's completely clueless, but he's trying, go give him some love". Cats can communicate complex ideas, just like we can. We just don't understand them, and so assume it doesn't happen. This, I think, is the point above all others that should encourage friendship; if you have it with one, you are more likely to have it with the others. They understand effort, and they appreciate it.
He's concerned that doubling the cat population in the house will lead to new problems, but I've seen the way Gin and Scooter interact with the neighborhood cats from their outdoor 8x9x9 enclosure. They want to be social, but on their own terms. That is to say, they want to be social, just not with each other, because their needs aren't being properly met with the current setup. If Scooter could get his play out with other active cats, he could leave Gin in peace, and she might actually like him. She tries really hard to like him now, and even grooms him occasionally, she just can't be his best friend right now because he pesters her for play.
My conundrum is this; I really, honestly, think 2 cats, especially an older but active pair which are significantly less likely to be adopted (both because they are older, and because there are two which cannot be separated), would be a good fit for us. Boyfriendicus brought up the idea of getting another cat, so it's clear that he enjoys them, and I've always had cats, and view pats as a "the more the merrier" situation. Their behaviors and interactions are fascinating, and I feel good when I make them feel good.
I want to convince him that it's our best best for a happy home, but at the same time, I respect his opinion, and he shares this home, so it impacts him, as well. The last time I went to the shelter to get a cat, I tried to convince him to get 2, and he said no. We should have gotten 2 then, and I probably wouldn't be looking now.
I did tell him if we got 2 more, I wouldn't want more until one of them died, and it's true; 4 is all I want, it's my kitty limit. I just want there to be at least one cat available most of the time for affection, and I want them all happy. Those aren't such bad goals, especially for a household with no intention of having kids.
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Getting sterilized
So I'm finally taking the plunge. Not the same plunge most people are talking about when they use that line, but something no less important.
I'm on step 2 in the process of getting a tubal ligation. Step one was getting a recommendation from my PC doctor, step 2 is the consultation I have scheduled for the 14th.
The whole thing is apparently much easier if 1. There is something wrong with your reproductive organs. 2. You have had an abortion. 3. You have already made your family.
That's not horrible, that the process is harder for someone without those qualifiers.. but it does suck having to explain over and over that yes, yes I have thought about this, and yes, even though I'm under 30 and childless, this is what I want.
I'm trying to give my doctors an honest impression of my situation, and to that end, when asked (screening question) if I'd ever had an abortion, I said "quite honestly, that's exactly what I'm trying to avoid".
Now, I realize how horrible it is to say that my options are sterilization or abortion, especially since I personally know other women who want and cannot have kids, but for me, that's reality. I made the decision a long time ago that, given the state of my life, if I found myself pregnant despite my best efforts to prevent it, the quality of life of the child was more important than any guilt I may feel about the process. Since I don't feel I could give a child what it deserves, abortion is my best option -mind, I do use birth control, and always have. Abortion is not an option I wish to exercise if it can be avoided. If you don't agree with that decision, that's your right, but this is the choice that's right for me, for my life.
What it boils down to, at the end of the day, is that I realized that I don't have much capacity for nurturing. Sure I can manage pets, and sure, I look fine with kids, but I'm not. They make me uncomfortable until they hit double digits, because they aren't capable of having much in the way of a real conversation. I don't have the patience to deal with kid-noise, and I can barely keep my house clean as it is. Very simply, I know I'm not responsible enough to trust myself with a child.
Let me rephrase that; I might be great with kids, and that's awesome, but I'm not cut out for parenting. I highly respect people who can do the whole reproducing thing, especially if they thought about it beforehand. I want to be very clear that I'm not judging others because they've made a different choice than have I. I try to ask for the same consideration.
Someone who doesn't want to get married or have kids doesn't get that sort of respect from society. I've heard it all. "It'll be different once you have them." "You are too young to make that sort of choice." "You'll regret it if you don't do it." "You are being selfish, what if your partner wants kids?" "everyone thinks they don't want them until they have them." "Once you have the first one, you'll want a whole bunch more" and other various statements of the like. I hear the same sorts of things about marriage. "Don't you love him?" "what if he leaves you because you aren't married?" "What if you have kids?" "what about buying a house and having a life?"
Some of these statements, I've recently learned, are technically true. It is different when you have your own kids, but only because of the intense hormone cocktail that hijacks your system and more or less forces you to be nurturing and caring. The brain gets rewired, thanks to that baby. I'm sorry, but I really don't want that. I want to keep my brain working as-is, if only because I have no say in the hormone overdose, and I think that's crap. Just because it's in our nature, and we've evolved to want it, doesn't mean that clear heads should not prevail. I can barely manage to take care of myself, the last thing I need is a biological drive to sacrifice what little good I have in my life for the wellbeing of something I don't want in the first place. Pets don't cause this problem, and I have many.
Some of those statements are just plain hurtful. Telling me that I haven't thought enough about it, or that I'll change my mind (implying that I haven't thought about it at all) leads me to believe that people saying those things don't think I'm capable of weighing the pros and cons. The sick reality is that I've probably put more thought into not having kids than most people do into having them; after all, all you need to have a baby is an accident. You don't need to think about whether or not it's a good choice for you, since it's assumed that it is. You don't need to consider if you are fit to be a parent, because if you weren't fit, you wouldn't be having one, right?
Conversely, I've spent the better part of a decade weighing the pros and cons, thinking over every possibility, both good and bad. I did not reach my decision lightly, and in fact, I used to think I wanted kids, because that's what I was told was what life was about; husband, house, family. I spent years trying to work out how I could achieve my life goals and still have a family, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that kids just aren't a good fit. I want to travel the world, visit every country, never stay put. The world is a big place, and not experiencing it is a waste of life as far as my own personal view is concerned. (Again, if job, house, family is all you want in life, that's great!I'm not judging. It's just not what I want.) I realized that these ambitions would be nearly impossible if I had a family tying me down. Still, I thought long and hard about what giving up one or the other would mean, and I realized that I would miss a lot more by having a family than I would by making my life complete. The plans I came up with to zip these two lives together were ridiculous and convoluted, and never would have worked out.
By far, the most common and most obnoxious question I get is "what if you regret it?" nobody ever thinks about the flip-side of that question; what if I have the kids, and regret THAT choice? One regret can be fixed through adoption -there are more than enough babies in the world, and I don't need mine to share genetics with me- the other is an 18+ year commitment, regret or no. I've read forums filled with women who regret starting a family. They love their children, but they hate the life that comes with it. That regret doesn't go away just because we wish it would, or try to ignore it. Some people aren't cut out for it, just like some people aren't cut out to be surgeons because they can't stand the sight of blood, or pilots because they fear heights. You can't convince your way out of that; if it's not right, it's not right.
The honest reality is that, commitment issues aside, I just really don't like kids, and trying to convince me otherwise is not going to work. They are loud, which I can't stand both due to preference and due to headaches, they are messy, and I can barely clean up after myself, they are expensive, and I hate spending money and being broke, and they need a LOT of interaction from their parents. I have a hard time setting aside time to train the parrots I inherited, and I think they are neat; I enjoy working with them, and I still can't get myself to do it consistently. That's no situation to bring a child in to.
My partner is on board with my decision, and even his mom is perfectly OK with it (she's also supportive of us not getting married, which is a relief. She told me that, were it not nearly 40 years too late, she wouldn't marry, either) though being that he's his father's only child, his dad's not the happiest. He hasn't said anything about it, though, so he can go right ahead and feel however he wants about it. My partner said that he's getting a bit old to be starting a family, anyway (he's 9 years my senior, which makes him 37, presently) and that he doesn't want to be old and useless when his kids are just hitting the point in life when they are fun to be around. He also seems to realize that, since most of his sibling's kids are my age (talk about awkward... The oldest is 2 years younger than I am, and out of nearly 10 kids, only 2 are under 18 ) he can enjoy them having families, and he can be the awesome great uncle, without having to change his own life significantly to do so. That seems like a pretty awesome compromise for all involved.
Even so, I've been called selfish for not wanting kids, because everyone assumes my partner had no say in my decision. To be sure, if he had said "no, I definitely want kids" we certainly would not still be together, but only because we would want different things from life, and it never would have worked. A relationship, no matter how good, is never NEVER worth sacrificing your happiness. Nobody in that situation ends life content. But that's not what happened at all. I feel my decision is the opposite of selfish. More selfish would be to have them anyway, just because that's what I think I should do, knowing full well it's not a good fit. Children can tell when they aren't wanted, or when they are a burden. I could never do that to a sentient being.
The brutal reality is that my partner is so on-board with my decision that he volunteered to take a day off work to take me to the hospital 2.5 hours away (VA hospital; free healthcare for vets, but lots of driving to get it) and said "don't worry about when, just make the appointment, and I'll take off work." and THEN he's willing to sacrifice sex for an indeterminate amount of time after, until I feel better. If that isn't support, I don't know what is. It probably helps that I played nursemaid when he had hernia surgery.. even removed the bandages and redressed them, because he couldn't stomach the sight. Thank you, mom, for watching graphic surgical shows with dinner while I was growing up; a strong stomach has served me well. He seems excited that I'll be 99.9999999999999999% protected, since I'll still be getting depo injections (hormone control for headache control, and also I don't like the baggage Aunt Flo brings with) even though that's basically the same level of protection I have now, with my IUD.
We both enjoy the DINK life we have now (Dual Income, No Kids); we have the freedom to enjoy our time on earth, sans major responsibility. We can afford to do things that couples with kids can't, normally. We don't have to worry about what to do with the kids when we want to do something, or go somewhere, and making arrangements for someone to come take care of animals is much easier. Does it matter if our goals in life are different from yours or anyone else's? I don't think so..
A couple of pointers for those of you who with kids or who plan to have kids;
It's great that you are doing that, and have thought about it; we need a minimum number of babies every year to maintain the population, and we all appreciate the sacrifices you make to promote the species. But we do have quite a lot of babies, and we certainly don't need more from people who don't really want them. Please respect that just the way we respect you for the choice you've made.
Please don't try to convince people that your answer is the right one for them, too. Most people who have decided not to have kids have given it a great deal of thought. Our society is so focused on reproduction and centers so much around children that it's impossible not to think about. Please don't talk to us as though you know better; you don't. You only know what works for you.
We don't judge your decision, please don't judge ours, even if you don't agree with it. It doesn't matter, ultimately, what you think about our decision, you'll just be burning bridges. You will burn them, not us.
When you discuss reproduction with friends, ask them if they are PLANNING to reproduce, don't ask them WHEN they will reproduce. It seems like such a small thing, but it emphasizes to the person with whom you are speaking that you understand that it's their decision, and that you respect it either way. It also opens up a dialogue. The planning question not only leaves room to change the mind if necessary, but also discourages a lot of defensiveness. It's difficult not to be defensive when everyone is trying to convince you that you are making the wrong choice.
Don't assume that what worked for you, and what you experienced, will be the same for everyone. Keep in mind that many women, and sometimes even men, experience major life changes such as depression and stress with the birth of children, and some people aren't as well suited to deal with these complications as others. Also be aware that this is a major life change, complete with new hormone levels, new responsibilities, new commitments, and new expectations, and the end result is not the same for two people. We each are the sum of our experiences, and you never know what came before now that could change the way someone sees an event.
Keep in mind that what was a wonderful experience for you might be a living nightmare for someone else. If you don't believe me, do a google search for "I hate being a mother"; the stories are heartbreaking. You can judge those people, if you must, but remember; they were, by and large, pressured into changing their minds about having them.
At the end of the day, it's a personal decision. Feel free to discuss it, but understand that the decision was made with great care in nearly every case. If someone doesn't want kids, for whatever reason, great! They shouldn't have them if they don't want them. Everyone is happier that way.
I'm on step 2 in the process of getting a tubal ligation. Step one was getting a recommendation from my PC doctor, step 2 is the consultation I have scheduled for the 14th.
The whole thing is apparently much easier if 1. There is something wrong with your reproductive organs. 2. You have had an abortion. 3. You have already made your family.
That's not horrible, that the process is harder for someone without those qualifiers.. but it does suck having to explain over and over that yes, yes I have thought about this, and yes, even though I'm under 30 and childless, this is what I want.
I'm trying to give my doctors an honest impression of my situation, and to that end, when asked (screening question) if I'd ever had an abortion, I said "quite honestly, that's exactly what I'm trying to avoid".
Now, I realize how horrible it is to say that my options are sterilization or abortion, especially since I personally know other women who want and cannot have kids, but for me, that's reality. I made the decision a long time ago that, given the state of my life, if I found myself pregnant despite my best efforts to prevent it, the quality of life of the child was more important than any guilt I may feel about the process. Since I don't feel I could give a child what it deserves, abortion is my best option -mind, I do use birth control, and always have. Abortion is not an option I wish to exercise if it can be avoided. If you don't agree with that decision, that's your right, but this is the choice that's right for me, for my life.
What it boils down to, at the end of the day, is that I realized that I don't have much capacity for nurturing. Sure I can manage pets, and sure, I look fine with kids, but I'm not. They make me uncomfortable until they hit double digits, because they aren't capable of having much in the way of a real conversation. I don't have the patience to deal with kid-noise, and I can barely keep my house clean as it is. Very simply, I know I'm not responsible enough to trust myself with a child.
Let me rephrase that; I might be great with kids, and that's awesome, but I'm not cut out for parenting. I highly respect people who can do the whole reproducing thing, especially if they thought about it beforehand. I want to be very clear that I'm not judging others because they've made a different choice than have I. I try to ask for the same consideration.
Someone who doesn't want to get married or have kids doesn't get that sort of respect from society. I've heard it all. "It'll be different once you have them." "You are too young to make that sort of choice." "You'll regret it if you don't do it." "You are being selfish, what if your partner wants kids?" "everyone thinks they don't want them until they have them." "Once you have the first one, you'll want a whole bunch more" and other various statements of the like. I hear the same sorts of things about marriage. "Don't you love him?" "what if he leaves you because you aren't married?" "What if you have kids?" "what about buying a house and having a life?"
Some of these statements, I've recently learned, are technically true. It is different when you have your own kids, but only because of the intense hormone cocktail that hijacks your system and more or less forces you to be nurturing and caring. The brain gets rewired, thanks to that baby. I'm sorry, but I really don't want that. I want to keep my brain working as-is, if only because I have no say in the hormone overdose, and I think that's crap. Just because it's in our nature, and we've evolved to want it, doesn't mean that clear heads should not prevail. I can barely manage to take care of myself, the last thing I need is a biological drive to sacrifice what little good I have in my life for the wellbeing of something I don't want in the first place. Pets don't cause this problem, and I have many.
Some of those statements are just plain hurtful. Telling me that I haven't thought enough about it, or that I'll change my mind (implying that I haven't thought about it at all) leads me to believe that people saying those things don't think I'm capable of weighing the pros and cons. The sick reality is that I've probably put more thought into not having kids than most people do into having them; after all, all you need to have a baby is an accident. You don't need to think about whether or not it's a good choice for you, since it's assumed that it is. You don't need to consider if you are fit to be a parent, because if you weren't fit, you wouldn't be having one, right?
Conversely, I've spent the better part of a decade weighing the pros and cons, thinking over every possibility, both good and bad. I did not reach my decision lightly, and in fact, I used to think I wanted kids, because that's what I was told was what life was about; husband, house, family. I spent years trying to work out how I could achieve my life goals and still have a family, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that kids just aren't a good fit. I want to travel the world, visit every country, never stay put. The world is a big place, and not experiencing it is a waste of life as far as my own personal view is concerned. (Again, if job, house, family is all you want in life, that's great!I'm not judging. It's just not what I want.) I realized that these ambitions would be nearly impossible if I had a family tying me down. Still, I thought long and hard about what giving up one or the other would mean, and I realized that I would miss a lot more by having a family than I would by making my life complete. The plans I came up with to zip these two lives together were ridiculous and convoluted, and never would have worked out.
By far, the most common and most obnoxious question I get is "what if you regret it?" nobody ever thinks about the flip-side of that question; what if I have the kids, and regret THAT choice? One regret can be fixed through adoption -there are more than enough babies in the world, and I don't need mine to share genetics with me- the other is an 18+ year commitment, regret or no. I've read forums filled with women who regret starting a family. They love their children, but they hate the life that comes with it. That regret doesn't go away just because we wish it would, or try to ignore it. Some people aren't cut out for it, just like some people aren't cut out to be surgeons because they can't stand the sight of blood, or pilots because they fear heights. You can't convince your way out of that; if it's not right, it's not right.
The honest reality is that, commitment issues aside, I just really don't like kids, and trying to convince me otherwise is not going to work. They are loud, which I can't stand both due to preference and due to headaches, they are messy, and I can barely clean up after myself, they are expensive, and I hate spending money and being broke, and they need a LOT of interaction from their parents. I have a hard time setting aside time to train the parrots I inherited, and I think they are neat; I enjoy working with them, and I still can't get myself to do it consistently. That's no situation to bring a child in to.
My partner is on board with my decision, and even his mom is perfectly OK with it (she's also supportive of us not getting married, which is a relief. She told me that, were it not nearly 40 years too late, she wouldn't marry, either) though being that he's his father's only child, his dad's not the happiest. He hasn't said anything about it, though, so he can go right ahead and feel however he wants about it. My partner said that he's getting a bit old to be starting a family, anyway (he's 9 years my senior, which makes him 37, presently) and that he doesn't want to be old and useless when his kids are just hitting the point in life when they are fun to be around. He also seems to realize that, since most of his sibling's kids are my age (talk about awkward... The oldest is 2 years younger than I am, and out of nearly 10 kids, only 2 are under 18 ) he can enjoy them having families, and he can be the awesome great uncle, without having to change his own life significantly to do so. That seems like a pretty awesome compromise for all involved.
Even so, I've been called selfish for not wanting kids, because everyone assumes my partner had no say in my decision. To be sure, if he had said "no, I definitely want kids" we certainly would not still be together, but only because we would want different things from life, and it never would have worked. A relationship, no matter how good, is never NEVER worth sacrificing your happiness. Nobody in that situation ends life content. But that's not what happened at all. I feel my decision is the opposite of selfish. More selfish would be to have them anyway, just because that's what I think I should do, knowing full well it's not a good fit. Children can tell when they aren't wanted, or when they are a burden. I could never do that to a sentient being.
The brutal reality is that my partner is so on-board with my decision that he volunteered to take a day off work to take me to the hospital 2.5 hours away (VA hospital; free healthcare for vets, but lots of driving to get it) and said "don't worry about when, just make the appointment, and I'll take off work." and THEN he's willing to sacrifice sex for an indeterminate amount of time after, until I feel better. If that isn't support, I don't know what is. It probably helps that I played nursemaid when he had hernia surgery.. even removed the bandages and redressed them, because he couldn't stomach the sight. Thank you, mom, for watching graphic surgical shows with dinner while I was growing up; a strong stomach has served me well. He seems excited that I'll be 99.9999999999999999% protected, since I'll still be getting depo injections (hormone control for headache control, and also I don't like the baggage Aunt Flo brings with) even though that's basically the same level of protection I have now, with my IUD.
We both enjoy the DINK life we have now (Dual Income, No Kids); we have the freedom to enjoy our time on earth, sans major responsibility. We can afford to do things that couples with kids can't, normally. We don't have to worry about what to do with the kids when we want to do something, or go somewhere, and making arrangements for someone to come take care of animals is much easier. Does it matter if our goals in life are different from yours or anyone else's? I don't think so..
A couple of pointers for those of you who with kids or who plan to have kids;
It's great that you are doing that, and have thought about it; we need a minimum number of babies every year to maintain the population, and we all appreciate the sacrifices you make to promote the species. But we do have quite a lot of babies, and we certainly don't need more from people who don't really want them. Please respect that just the way we respect you for the choice you've made.
Please don't try to convince people that your answer is the right one for them, too. Most people who have decided not to have kids have given it a great deal of thought. Our society is so focused on reproduction and centers so much around children that it's impossible not to think about. Please don't talk to us as though you know better; you don't. You only know what works for you.
We don't judge your decision, please don't judge ours, even if you don't agree with it. It doesn't matter, ultimately, what you think about our decision, you'll just be burning bridges. You will burn them, not us.
When you discuss reproduction with friends, ask them if they are PLANNING to reproduce, don't ask them WHEN they will reproduce. It seems like such a small thing, but it emphasizes to the person with whom you are speaking that you understand that it's their decision, and that you respect it either way. It also opens up a dialogue. The planning question not only leaves room to change the mind if necessary, but also discourages a lot of defensiveness. It's difficult not to be defensive when everyone is trying to convince you that you are making the wrong choice.
Don't assume that what worked for you, and what you experienced, will be the same for everyone. Keep in mind that many women, and sometimes even men, experience major life changes such as depression and stress with the birth of children, and some people aren't as well suited to deal with these complications as others. Also be aware that this is a major life change, complete with new hormone levels, new responsibilities, new commitments, and new expectations, and the end result is not the same for two people. We each are the sum of our experiences, and you never know what came before now that could change the way someone sees an event.
Keep in mind that what was a wonderful experience for you might be a living nightmare for someone else. If you don't believe me, do a google search for "I hate being a mother"; the stories are heartbreaking. You can judge those people, if you must, but remember; they were, by and large, pressured into changing their minds about having them.
At the end of the day, it's a personal decision. Feel free to discuss it, but understand that the decision was made with great care in nearly every case. If someone doesn't want kids, for whatever reason, great! They shouldn't have them if they don't want them. Everyone is happier that way.
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