It's almost 5 AM. I went to sleep around 12:30. I was woken by one of my cats licking a plastic bag. I don't know why he does this, but it drives me up the wall. I moved what he was licking, so he found something else. It sounds terribly cute, and it is, until it's 4 AM.
I'm trying to figure if this behavior is related to hunger or a food desire, so I offered him some wet food (he's very very picky about wet food, and won't eat any more than 10 minutes old). The opening of the can, of course, woke my other cats.
So here I am, mixing food for one cat, while another watches me suspiciously (this is not at all our routine) and then the meowing on the other side of the door starts up. The new boys were up as well.
For the last few days, Mickey has been reasonably comfortable with hand and arm contact, at least with me (my partner isn't spending enough time with them to form a good bond, so his progress will be slower) but Gizmo hasn't wanted anything to do with contact, only lots of kitty kisses (slowly blinked eyes). I haven't been pushing his comfort level too much, though I do offer him appendages for sniffing occasionally, lots of toys and food, and talk to him a lot.
Tonight, Gizmo let me love all over him. He was just as thrilled for contact as Mickey had been when he finally opened up, and they were both super affectionate, At the same time. That's exactly what I've been missing in my established cat dynamic; cats that get along well enough that I can pet them at the same time.
They also both really want to get out of the room and explore the rest of the house. The idea was to wait until both of my existing cats had gone in the room a few times, at least, and that's still the plan, but my cats aren't terribly interested in going in..
Scooter went in this morning, and just sort of walked around pretending there weren't other cats in the room, and that he owned the place. The whole time he was there, mickey had his nose up Scooter's butt, and followed him around relentlessly. Scooter, for his part, took it quite well, the whole thing was very civil, and when he started hanging around the door, I opened it for him, and he left.
Exactly the intro I was hoping for!
Gin, on the other hand, is offended that I'm petting another kitty, even though I am by no means ignoring her in the process. Gin had always been an odd duck; I got her from the shelter as a kitten, and she came home to an apartment full of 6 month old black lab and an asshole human I've since gotten rid of. She didn't get the positive start in life I wish I could have given her.
She's never been much of one for other cats, though I think this has more to do with them not matching her personality well enough to have a friend out of it. She's not actually aggressive and she hasn't claimed a person as territory as one of my other cats did (Omocha, unfortunately, needed to be re-homed; she was absolutely a one-cat-house cat, and we just couldn't give her that, so I found her a family that could). Indeed, it seems as though Gin just doesn't LIKE who we picked as her friend.
I'm hoping that Mickey and Gizmo will solve this problem, by having different enough personalities not just from each other, but from my established cats, to fill any personality gap we may have. Cats have activities that they like to share with friends, just like we humans do, and similar to humans, it's tough to find another cat who likes all the same things. Just like humans, the more friends are available, the more likely they will have overlapping interests.
So far, everything is looking good, it's just a matter of time.
Thursday, July 30, 2015
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
I wonder..
I wonder what intelligent life on Europa/Ganymede would develop for technology, since electricity would be impossible.. Would they use bioengineering? What would they think about the universe, having a sky made of miles of solid ice? Would they, reasonably, believe that the universe is their ocean and nothing more, or would they be the type to question if there was an end to the shell?
I wonder what it would be like to be launched perpendicular to the plane of rotation of the solar system (not toward the outer planets, but straight up or down from them). I wonder how far you would have to travel to be able to see the whole Milky Way, to see where we actually are in our galaxy. I wonder what it would look like from there; similar to Andromeda, or perhaps one of the farther-off galaxies. I wonder how accurate we are about our estimations, and I wonder what we haven't discovered about them yet.
I bet if everyone learned one new skill every month/week, the whole world would work a lot more smoothly, even if most of the skills people learn are bizarre and pointless. It's quite surprising how useful one area of knowledge is for something entirely separate. I'd also be willing to bet that, if everyone had a variety of interesting skills, it would not only be easier to connect with other people, it would also encourage people to use their skills to help others. What's the point of learning to do something if you don't share it, after all.
I wonder what northern forests looked like before the introduction of worms (worms are not native to areas that experienced glaciers during the ice age, when all of the topsoil -and thus, worms- was pushed south) I am curious as to the diversity that was lost in just that one simple introduction. If something so small and seemingly insignificant can have so great an impact, imagine the huge changes we make, and what that must do.
I am insanely curious as to how the mechanism for evolution actually works. As far as I'm aware, nobody has a really good answer for that yet, although there are a lot of speculative answers which seem plausible. It makes such a fantastically huge difference to literally everything we value, if not the process, at least the end result, and yet we don't have a terribly good answer for why. I love those situations!
I sometimes look up at the sky, and marvel that somewhere in the universe, on some distant planet or moon, there is some sort of being, looking back in my direction, and marveling about the same thing. Statistically speaking, this is a likely scenario, since there are hundreds of billions of galaxies with hundreds of billions of stars in each, and most stars have at least a couple of planets, at least from what we have discovered so far, and many have dozens. If there are, as astronomers like to say, more stars in the known universe (what we can see in a sphere going out 13.8 billion light years; we can see a diameter of 29 billion light years, but the whole universe has a diameter around 92 billion light years http://www.space.com/24073-how-big-is-the-universe.html ) than grains of sand on the earth (who did the math for that is unknown to me, but I assume someone did at some point, just for funsies), that means there are 10 times as many planets. That's such a huge number, it's actually impossible to relate to for our puny species. most people have difficulty envisioning more than a thousand of an item, at most. Count the grains of sand in a handful some time. Make it a small handful, trust me.
What would it be like to be, say, a spider, with 16 eyes, or a mantis shrimp that has 16 color-receptor cone varieties to our 3 (basically, they can see a lot more of the electromagnetic spectrum than we can). What would it be like to navigate at high speeds in complete darkness, relying on sound for navigation like a bat, or use the magnetic field lines of the earth for directions like migratory birds? Or even the fine-tuned machine that is the housecat, who's sense of motion detection is superb, and who has a dedicated part of the visual processing portion of the brain dedicated to whisker input? What would it be like to not be human, just for a while?
How different would the world be if we could convey our actual meaning rather than have it filtered by the recipient and misinterpreted? Would people be nicer if they knew everyone else was just trying to do their best and be nice? Would we get less hung up on word choice, and focus more on context?
If Homo sapiens sapiens hadn't evolved to intelligence (defined here as the ability to make sweeping changes to the environment, survive in nearly any conditions given time to prepare, and the capacity to problem solve to get a desired outcome), nor any other hominid race, what is the most likely animal to have done so in out stead? The squid, with it's amazing abilities to manipulate objects, survive out of water, and ridiculous intelligence/ability to learn without being taught? Perhaps the crow, able to figure out complicated multi-step puzzles, use the tools made by other species (dropping nuts in the road to be cracked by cars, then waiting for the walk sign to collect), and the ability to learn ridiculously quickly? Perhaps some other species entirely. What would that have looked like?
Where would our species be, technologically and socially, if we hadn't had as many setbacks as we did throughout history? What if the Library of Alexandria hadn't burned, or if the technology in the Antikythera Mechanism hadn't been lost and not reinvented for hundreds of years? What if the advanced cultures of ancient times hadn't collapsed/been annihilated, but continued to modernity? What if there weren't groups of people throughout history who tried to squash scientific progress and understanding, but had instead.. helped..?
I wonder how long it will be before knowledge and wisdom are again valued in modern society as they were in the past. We have the internet, and that means all information, both factual and otherwise, are readily available. At some point, then, we will hit a wall. We will hit a point beyond which society collectively decides it's tired of having so much false information, and demands a higher standard of information, especially from trusted figureheads such as the news and politicians. Someday we will reach a point when the words "I don't know, but that's a good question, and we should find out." will be respected and valued as an opening to further information, rather than an admission of ignorance.
I wonder what it would be like to be launched perpendicular to the plane of rotation of the solar system (not toward the outer planets, but straight up or down from them). I wonder how far you would have to travel to be able to see the whole Milky Way, to see where we actually are in our galaxy. I wonder what it would look like from there; similar to Andromeda, or perhaps one of the farther-off galaxies. I wonder how accurate we are about our estimations, and I wonder what we haven't discovered about them yet.
I bet if everyone learned one new skill every month/week, the whole world would work a lot more smoothly, even if most of the skills people learn are bizarre and pointless. It's quite surprising how useful one area of knowledge is for something entirely separate. I'd also be willing to bet that, if everyone had a variety of interesting skills, it would not only be easier to connect with other people, it would also encourage people to use their skills to help others. What's the point of learning to do something if you don't share it, after all.
I wonder what northern forests looked like before the introduction of worms (worms are not native to areas that experienced glaciers during the ice age, when all of the topsoil -and thus, worms- was pushed south) I am curious as to the diversity that was lost in just that one simple introduction. If something so small and seemingly insignificant can have so great an impact, imagine the huge changes we make, and what that must do.
I am insanely curious as to how the mechanism for evolution actually works. As far as I'm aware, nobody has a really good answer for that yet, although there are a lot of speculative answers which seem plausible. It makes such a fantastically huge difference to literally everything we value, if not the process, at least the end result, and yet we don't have a terribly good answer for why. I love those situations!
I sometimes look up at the sky, and marvel that somewhere in the universe, on some distant planet or moon, there is some sort of being, looking back in my direction, and marveling about the same thing. Statistically speaking, this is a likely scenario, since there are hundreds of billions of galaxies with hundreds of billions of stars in each, and most stars have at least a couple of planets, at least from what we have discovered so far, and many have dozens. If there are, as astronomers like to say, more stars in the known universe (what we can see in a sphere going out 13.8 billion light years; we can see a diameter of 29 billion light years, but the whole universe has a diameter around 92 billion light years http://www.space.com/24073-how-big-is-the-universe.html ) than grains of sand on the earth (who did the math for that is unknown to me, but I assume someone did at some point, just for funsies), that means there are 10 times as many planets. That's such a huge number, it's actually impossible to relate to for our puny species. most people have difficulty envisioning more than a thousand of an item, at most. Count the grains of sand in a handful some time. Make it a small handful, trust me.
What would it be like to be, say, a spider, with 16 eyes, or a mantis shrimp that has 16 color-receptor cone varieties to our 3 (basically, they can see a lot more of the electromagnetic spectrum than we can). What would it be like to navigate at high speeds in complete darkness, relying on sound for navigation like a bat, or use the magnetic field lines of the earth for directions like migratory birds? Or even the fine-tuned machine that is the housecat, who's sense of motion detection is superb, and who has a dedicated part of the visual processing portion of the brain dedicated to whisker input? What would it be like to not be human, just for a while?
How different would the world be if we could convey our actual meaning rather than have it filtered by the recipient and misinterpreted? Would people be nicer if they knew everyone else was just trying to do their best and be nice? Would we get less hung up on word choice, and focus more on context?
If Homo sapiens sapiens hadn't evolved to intelligence (defined here as the ability to make sweeping changes to the environment, survive in nearly any conditions given time to prepare, and the capacity to problem solve to get a desired outcome), nor any other hominid race, what is the most likely animal to have done so in out stead? The squid, with it's amazing abilities to manipulate objects, survive out of water, and ridiculous intelligence/ability to learn without being taught? Perhaps the crow, able to figure out complicated multi-step puzzles, use the tools made by other species (dropping nuts in the road to be cracked by cars, then waiting for the walk sign to collect), and the ability to learn ridiculously quickly? Perhaps some other species entirely. What would that have looked like?
Where would our species be, technologically and socially, if we hadn't had as many setbacks as we did throughout history? What if the Library of Alexandria hadn't burned, or if the technology in the Antikythera Mechanism hadn't been lost and not reinvented for hundreds of years? What if the advanced cultures of ancient times hadn't collapsed/been annihilated, but continued to modernity? What if there weren't groups of people throughout history who tried to squash scientific progress and understanding, but had instead.. helped..?
I wonder how long it will be before knowledge and wisdom are again valued in modern society as they were in the past. We have the internet, and that means all information, both factual and otherwise, are readily available. At some point, then, we will hit a wall. We will hit a point beyond which society collectively decides it's tired of having so much false information, and demands a higher standard of information, especially from trusted figureheads such as the news and politicians. Someday we will reach a point when the words "I don't know, but that's a good question, and we should find out." will be respected and valued as an opening to further information, rather than an admission of ignorance.
It's not even the incisions...
So I had the surgery yesterday, and my babymaker no longer functions as-intended. Win.
It was surprisingly low-key, considering my anxiety.
I did find out I've lost even more weight, though.. I'm down to 108# from my usually-consistent 123#, a situation which I find quite upsetting; eating more means more pain due to my ongoing tummy problems, and not eating more means I could easily become even less healthy.. I'll have to talk to my primary care doctor about it when I call regarding depo, especially since I think I may have pinned down the cause. On the plus side, my distress over actually losing weight seems to have convinced my partner that, no, despite my jokes about "working off that meal", I'm not actually interested in losing weight, just maintaining the same size I've been since middle school (which I do usually without conscious thought. I don't go out of my way to stay the same size; I don't weigh myself or measure or anything, and most of my waistbands are elastic so I have no reference other than visual).
Anyway..
My attending nurse was also childless and had a hysterectomy, and totally understood when I said I was only getting my tubes tied because they wouldn't let me have my uterus removed. She had hers done by laproscope, just like mine, so although it was a bigger surgery, she knew what I could expect, more or less.
She was super good about my intense sarcasm, and was surprised by my unwavering bluntness (it's just who I am, and I rather like it, because nobody ever has to guess about me, and get it wrong).
She commented positively on my lack of moving even slightly, despite watching what she was doing, when she attempted the IV in my right hand, and wrist, and when I told her she was better off, despite appearances to the contrary, using my left, I didn't flinch for that, either, and she got it on the first go. My viens are strange; on the right, they are very visible and look perfect for tapping, but can almost never be hit.. On my left, they look less amazing, and are harder to see, but can be hit on the first go just about every single time (as in.. I've yet to have even folks in training miss on that side)
Then I explained that I was keeping track of my age with piercings, and had gotten a bunch through the years that I didn't keep. It all made sense. She was super apologetic about missing twice, and my response was merely "eh, I figured it would happen, but it doesn't bother me much at all".
My partner sat with me while we waited, and we watched one of the new spiderman movies from start to finish, so that was a really good way of keeping my mind off what was to come, but honestly, the IV was the worst bit of pre-surgery.
One of the other nurses gave me a hard time about my dermal anchors, even with the tops removed, and finally I was like "well, for what it's worth, I regret them, and I would take them out if that didn't require a surgery all on it's own.." She then demanded to know how they got them in, and I told her the rather unpleasant process of making 3 piercings to make a pocket, and slipping the jewelry in, letting the skin grow through the back of the anchor. I told her how long ago I got them, and that they had finally stopped, for the most part, giving me major problems, and she cooled down a bit and explained how cauterizing can lead to burns, especially with a surgery so close to them. I told her I appreciated the info, and that it was a risk I simply had to be willing to take, at this point. That seemed to be enough. There's not much I can do about something I did 5 years ago, short of, as mentioned, surgery.. the anchors need to be cut out, and the process is much worse than implanting them (that process, by the by... sucks..)
They wheeled me into the OR, and I was still awake so I was asking all sorts of questions about the equipment. They showed me a few devices that they were going to use on me, and I told them I liked that they were willing to share and explain. They responded that it's not all that often someone wants to know, beforehand, what's going on for surgery. They have this cool reflex tester deal that they put on your hand to send shocks through to make sure everything is working. They wouldn't hook it up while I was awake, which is a shame, because now I'm super curious how it feels.
Nobody got my joke about the machine that goes "BING!" from Monty Python, which was disappointing, but I asked if they were going to be rocking out to any awesome jams, and the guy in charge of the OR laughed and said "not in my OR", to which the nurses laughed and said "but as soon as he leaves the room!!!"
My mom was an RN, and worked in nearly ever field an RN can; OR, ER, prenatal, maternity, pre-op, assisted living, nursing home, the lot. She used to tell me about how they worked, and how they rocked out to music while the patient was under. She also used to comment about how much she hated the rude people, so I did my best to be entirely accommodating, even a bit helpful.
I don't really recall them injecting the anesthetic, but I recall asking what specific drug it was (as I did with everything else they put in it, because I'm curious) and we got to skip right over that boring counting stuff, because they had the perfect stuff (medical equipment and knowledge) to keep me happy and non-stressed.
I woke up in agony. They gave me a few shots of painkillers, but it didn't come close to going away.. it got better, for sure, but nothing near relief.
It was very unpleasant. The gasses they used to blow up my abdomen lingered like crazy. I still have some huge major bubbles and a ton of subsurface tiny bubbles, and they still hurt. Because of the added pressure in strange places, my back and shoulders also hurt.
When the pain subsided somewhat, they wheeled me into my recovery room where my partner was waiting for me. Then there was a boring bit while I just laid there and made him give me water every few minutes, between conversation and a lot of complaining.
While I was in recovery, my surgeon came by to check on me, let me know that the surgery went well, and said he thought I might be interested to see my clips, since I'm a strange patient. Turns out, he made me a nice, glossy, full-color copy of the pictures, and presented them to me with a flourish. I, being the strange duck that I am, was thrilled. I asked all about what I was seeing, and now I have a picture of each ovary, my Fallopian tubes, and both clips. You can't ask for more! I might frame them. Proof that I'm sterile.
They wanted me to stick around until I could use the bathroom (they apparently used a catheter), and I wanted to leave because we still had a 2.5 hour drive home, so I managed well before I needed or wanted to go, and that, too, was highly unpleasant.
The drive home sort of sucked, although I think I passed out for an hour or so, because when we got to what I thought was Fond Du Lac, we were actually in Oshkosh (30-45 min difference). Bumpy roads were painful, and I curled up in the back seat for a while trying to relocate some of the gas bubbles (something I'm very accustomed to doing with intestinal gas).
The only bad thing, so far, other than the pain.. was the bleeding. They used some sort of liquid bandage sealant stuff rather than bandages, but one of the incisions didn't close up completely, so in the car, it started oozing blood. Unpleasant. We had to stop and look for paper towel, but there wasn't any at the rest stop, so I fished an old but clean shirt out of my trunk and used that. Not ideal, but workable.
The gas pain has been bothering me since I woke up from surgery, but I found that increasing blood flow increases absorption rate of CO2 gas (the same way as muscle fatigue) so I did some exercises that didn't hurt, but would increase my heart rate slightly, as well as increase the blood flow to abdominal muscles. It seemed to help with some of it, but there's enough left that I think it will be another day or two yet, at least. I'm trying not to limit my normal activities too much, since couch-potato-ing decreases blood flow and thus increases recovery time.
I'm also trying to find a cat to sit on my lap and purr, but none of them seem to want to be that close to my blood. (I'm not forcing the matter, of course, but my invitations have been ignored thusfar)
Why would I want a cat so close? Simply, the cat's purr is special; it vibrates at a frequency that can speed up healing, which is why cats seem to survive things you'd think would kill them. The frequencies (~25 htz for the base frequency and ~50 for the first harmonic frequency) have been shown in lab settings to promote healing of bones, reduce inflammation and swelling, and reduce pain, to say nothing of the illness rates in cats being significantly lower than would be expected. It works so well that devices are being made based on the cat purr frequencies for healing bones that are having problems doing so naturally (such as old or compromised patients)
All told, I'm still glad I did it. This is a reasonably small price to pay for peace of mind. I now know, almost for certain, that I will never need to have an abortion.
And such excellent timing, too; if my partner wants to be around babies, especially now that he knows for sure we aren't having any, his niece just found out she was about 5 weeks pregnant, so that need, if it becomes a need, has an outlet. I even told him he's welcome to babysit if he wants to, which was met by the most vigorous head shake of no I've ever seen from him. It was magical.
Sorry for rambling; I'm a bit drugged up for this post. They offered me vicodin and codine, and I declined both because they never work for me (I literally cannot tell when I've taken them or haven't, and I have some skill in those matters), so they sent me home with 600MG ibuprofin and 5mg oxy/35mg acetaminophen. Today is an oxy day.
Perhaps I'll have something more to write when I'm a bit more sober. Perhaps I'll sleep all day. :p
It was surprisingly low-key, considering my anxiety.
I did find out I've lost even more weight, though.. I'm down to 108# from my usually-consistent 123#, a situation which I find quite upsetting; eating more means more pain due to my ongoing tummy problems, and not eating more means I could easily become even less healthy.. I'll have to talk to my primary care doctor about it when I call regarding depo, especially since I think I may have pinned down the cause. On the plus side, my distress over actually losing weight seems to have convinced my partner that, no, despite my jokes about "working off that meal", I'm not actually interested in losing weight, just maintaining the same size I've been since middle school (which I do usually without conscious thought. I don't go out of my way to stay the same size; I don't weigh myself or measure or anything, and most of my waistbands are elastic so I have no reference other than visual).
Anyway..
My attending nurse was also childless and had a hysterectomy, and totally understood when I said I was only getting my tubes tied because they wouldn't let me have my uterus removed. She had hers done by laproscope, just like mine, so although it was a bigger surgery, she knew what I could expect, more or less.
She was super good about my intense sarcasm, and was surprised by my unwavering bluntness (it's just who I am, and I rather like it, because nobody ever has to guess about me, and get it wrong).
She commented positively on my lack of moving even slightly, despite watching what she was doing, when she attempted the IV in my right hand, and wrist, and when I told her she was better off, despite appearances to the contrary, using my left, I didn't flinch for that, either, and she got it on the first go. My viens are strange; on the right, they are very visible and look perfect for tapping, but can almost never be hit.. On my left, they look less amazing, and are harder to see, but can be hit on the first go just about every single time (as in.. I've yet to have even folks in training miss on that side)
Then I explained that I was keeping track of my age with piercings, and had gotten a bunch through the years that I didn't keep. It all made sense. She was super apologetic about missing twice, and my response was merely "eh, I figured it would happen, but it doesn't bother me much at all".
My partner sat with me while we waited, and we watched one of the new spiderman movies from start to finish, so that was a really good way of keeping my mind off what was to come, but honestly, the IV was the worst bit of pre-surgery.
One of the other nurses gave me a hard time about my dermal anchors, even with the tops removed, and finally I was like "well, for what it's worth, I regret them, and I would take them out if that didn't require a surgery all on it's own.." She then demanded to know how they got them in, and I told her the rather unpleasant process of making 3 piercings to make a pocket, and slipping the jewelry in, letting the skin grow through the back of the anchor. I told her how long ago I got them, and that they had finally stopped, for the most part, giving me major problems, and she cooled down a bit and explained how cauterizing can lead to burns, especially with a surgery so close to them. I told her I appreciated the info, and that it was a risk I simply had to be willing to take, at this point. That seemed to be enough. There's not much I can do about something I did 5 years ago, short of, as mentioned, surgery.. the anchors need to be cut out, and the process is much worse than implanting them (that process, by the by... sucks..)
They wheeled me into the OR, and I was still awake so I was asking all sorts of questions about the equipment. They showed me a few devices that they were going to use on me, and I told them I liked that they were willing to share and explain. They responded that it's not all that often someone wants to know, beforehand, what's going on for surgery. They have this cool reflex tester deal that they put on your hand to send shocks through to make sure everything is working. They wouldn't hook it up while I was awake, which is a shame, because now I'm super curious how it feels.
Nobody got my joke about the machine that goes "BING!" from Monty Python, which was disappointing, but I asked if they were going to be rocking out to any awesome jams, and the guy in charge of the OR laughed and said "not in my OR", to which the nurses laughed and said "but as soon as he leaves the room!!!"
My mom was an RN, and worked in nearly ever field an RN can; OR, ER, prenatal, maternity, pre-op, assisted living, nursing home, the lot. She used to tell me about how they worked, and how they rocked out to music while the patient was under. She also used to comment about how much she hated the rude people, so I did my best to be entirely accommodating, even a bit helpful.
I don't really recall them injecting the anesthetic, but I recall asking what specific drug it was (as I did with everything else they put in it, because I'm curious) and we got to skip right over that boring counting stuff, because they had the perfect stuff (medical equipment and knowledge) to keep me happy and non-stressed.
I woke up in agony. They gave me a few shots of painkillers, but it didn't come close to going away.. it got better, for sure, but nothing near relief.
It was very unpleasant. The gasses they used to blow up my abdomen lingered like crazy. I still have some huge major bubbles and a ton of subsurface tiny bubbles, and they still hurt. Because of the added pressure in strange places, my back and shoulders also hurt.
When the pain subsided somewhat, they wheeled me into my recovery room where my partner was waiting for me. Then there was a boring bit while I just laid there and made him give me water every few minutes, between conversation and a lot of complaining.
While I was in recovery, my surgeon came by to check on me, let me know that the surgery went well, and said he thought I might be interested to see my clips, since I'm a strange patient. Turns out, he made me a nice, glossy, full-color copy of the pictures, and presented them to me with a flourish. I, being the strange duck that I am, was thrilled. I asked all about what I was seeing, and now I have a picture of each ovary, my Fallopian tubes, and both clips. You can't ask for more! I might frame them. Proof that I'm sterile.
They wanted me to stick around until I could use the bathroom (they apparently used a catheter), and I wanted to leave because we still had a 2.5 hour drive home, so I managed well before I needed or wanted to go, and that, too, was highly unpleasant.
The drive home sort of sucked, although I think I passed out for an hour or so, because when we got to what I thought was Fond Du Lac, we were actually in Oshkosh (30-45 min difference). Bumpy roads were painful, and I curled up in the back seat for a while trying to relocate some of the gas bubbles (something I'm very accustomed to doing with intestinal gas).
The only bad thing, so far, other than the pain.. was the bleeding. They used some sort of liquid bandage sealant stuff rather than bandages, but one of the incisions didn't close up completely, so in the car, it started oozing blood. Unpleasant. We had to stop and look for paper towel, but there wasn't any at the rest stop, so I fished an old but clean shirt out of my trunk and used that. Not ideal, but workable.
The gas pain has been bothering me since I woke up from surgery, but I found that increasing blood flow increases absorption rate of CO2 gas (the same way as muscle fatigue) so I did some exercises that didn't hurt, but would increase my heart rate slightly, as well as increase the blood flow to abdominal muscles. It seemed to help with some of it, but there's enough left that I think it will be another day or two yet, at least. I'm trying not to limit my normal activities too much, since couch-potato-ing decreases blood flow and thus increases recovery time.
I'm also trying to find a cat to sit on my lap and purr, but none of them seem to want to be that close to my blood. (I'm not forcing the matter, of course, but my invitations have been ignored thusfar)
Why would I want a cat so close? Simply, the cat's purr is special; it vibrates at a frequency that can speed up healing, which is why cats seem to survive things you'd think would kill them. The frequencies (~25 htz for the base frequency and ~50 for the first harmonic frequency) have been shown in lab settings to promote healing of bones, reduce inflammation and swelling, and reduce pain, to say nothing of the illness rates in cats being significantly lower than would be expected. It works so well that devices are being made based on the cat purr frequencies for healing bones that are having problems doing so naturally (such as old or compromised patients)
All told, I'm still glad I did it. This is a reasonably small price to pay for peace of mind. I now know, almost for certain, that I will never need to have an abortion.
And such excellent timing, too; if my partner wants to be around babies, especially now that he knows for sure we aren't having any, his niece just found out she was about 5 weeks pregnant, so that need, if it becomes a need, has an outlet. I even told him he's welcome to babysit if he wants to, which was met by the most vigorous head shake of no I've ever seen from him. It was magical.
Sorry for rambling; I'm a bit drugged up for this post. They offered me vicodin and codine, and I declined both because they never work for me (I literally cannot tell when I've taken them or haven't, and I have some skill in those matters), so they sent me home with 600MG ibuprofin and 5mg oxy/35mg acetaminophen. Today is an oxy day.
Perhaps I'll have something more to write when I'm a bit more sober. Perhaps I'll sleep all day. :p
Monday, July 27, 2015
Pre-surgery jitters
Well, tomorrow I have my surgery..
I'm, shockingly, not looking forward to it, although I am looking forward to the outcome.
I'm supposed to give up food and drink at midnight tonight, but I've given up food already, as of 11 PM yesterday. Why? Simply, although the "do not eat or drink" thing is for anesthesia, so you don't throw up while under, my digestive system doesn't work that happily.
I gave up food early do I'm not already filled with gasses before they even start. It's enough that they will be inflating my abdomen with CO2, there's no need for me to add my own ~_^
Having a calm, relaxed tummy for this is a high priority; I'm going to feel pookey enough afterwards without the gut-wrenching agony of bloating. But it's more than that... I want my tummy to quickly return to normal, because I have to remove the tops of my dermal anchors.. I've had nothing but problems with those fuckers, and honestly, I'm concerned that I'll have one sink and get lost if my tummy spends too much time bloated, putting pressure on the implanted bit. At the very least, I expect I will have a good 2-4 weeks of irritation healing on at least a couple of my dermals.. Most likely the ones at the bottom..
It's a problem I already have with the bloating thing, and not one I wish to make worse.
As it is I plan to draw circles around the piercings so my surgeon knows exactly where to avoid, if at all possible; most medical personnel aren't terribly familiar with implanted piercings, and they all want to know "can you take them out?" nooooo... pretty sure that's why they are called implants..
The rest of the surgery stuff.. meh.. I have transportation arranged, and I'm not too terribly concerned with pain. I do plan to ask for something better than Vicodin or codine, since neither of those do anything whatever to my system.. They seriously might as well be placebo for all the good they do... Placebos might actually work better, because you don't expect them to do anything, so any result is a pleasant surprise!
I guess it's good that my biggest concern for this surgery.... is whether or not it will fuck up my very touchy piercings.
That's a minor thing, overall.
And I get to come home to the two most adorable red point Siamese boys, so that certainly helps!
I'm, shockingly, not looking forward to it, although I am looking forward to the outcome.
I'm supposed to give up food and drink at midnight tonight, but I've given up food already, as of 11 PM yesterday. Why? Simply, although the "do not eat or drink" thing is for anesthesia, so you don't throw up while under, my digestive system doesn't work that happily.
I gave up food early do I'm not already filled with gasses before they even start. It's enough that they will be inflating my abdomen with CO2, there's no need for me to add my own ~_^
Having a calm, relaxed tummy for this is a high priority; I'm going to feel pookey enough afterwards without the gut-wrenching agony of bloating. But it's more than that... I want my tummy to quickly return to normal, because I have to remove the tops of my dermal anchors.. I've had nothing but problems with those fuckers, and honestly, I'm concerned that I'll have one sink and get lost if my tummy spends too much time bloated, putting pressure on the implanted bit. At the very least, I expect I will have a good 2-4 weeks of irritation healing on at least a couple of my dermals.. Most likely the ones at the bottom..
It's a problem I already have with the bloating thing, and not one I wish to make worse.
As it is I plan to draw circles around the piercings so my surgeon knows exactly where to avoid, if at all possible; most medical personnel aren't terribly familiar with implanted piercings, and they all want to know "can you take them out?" nooooo... pretty sure that's why they are called implants..
The rest of the surgery stuff.. meh.. I have transportation arranged, and I'm not too terribly concerned with pain. I do plan to ask for something better than Vicodin or codine, since neither of those do anything whatever to my system.. They seriously might as well be placebo for all the good they do... Placebos might actually work better, because you don't expect them to do anything, so any result is a pleasant surprise!
I guess it's good that my biggest concern for this surgery.... is whether or not it will fuck up my very touchy piercings.
That's a minor thing, overall.
And I get to come home to the two most adorable red point Siamese boys, so that certainly helps!
Sunday, July 26, 2015
We have new kitties!
It was sort of a happy accident.
We took the birds to the rescue place; they will be much better off, as will I. On the way home, we stopped by the shelter to drop off the application, the one needed to set up a visit with fostered pets. Turns out, the cats we were looking for were no longer in foster, so we got to sit with them in kitty city.
Fortunately, we know that kitty city is better named stress city; 7-10 adult cats thrown together on a rotating basis. Our boys weren't at their best. Far from it. 5 minutes into our visit, the shelter called me, and were thrilled to find out that, indeed, they were calling me from 10 feet away. The adoption was approved (likely because I had adopted a cat from them previously) and within half an hour, we were on our way home with 2 freshly microchipped cream colorpoint boys.
We were not ready.
Despite spending well over a week intending to bring them home, we thought, certainly, the shelter would take longer than a day, since a day is standard procedure. We thought they were in foster care, which would have meant scheduling a time to meet them, so up to another week.
Nope. 5 minutes after stopping at the humane society to drop off paperwork, I'd been approved, and asked if I wanted to take them home today, or pick them up later.
Turns out, they had been at the shelter for almost 7 months after being surrendered because their family "didn't have time for them". Nobody had time for them.
We have time for them. I'm even more sure of my choice knowing what they came from and went through,
They have been with us for a day and a half now. They are eating, although it's not agreeing with them the greatest just yet. At least one of them is playing, they are exploring, they aren't running into hiding when we knock to open the door. They are using the boxes properly, and haven't destroyed anything yet. I even got a chance to love on the bolder of the two for a while this morning.
It's slower going than any of my previous cats, but these two lost a lot, and it's going to take them a while to open up again. And that's OK.
We'll give them everything they could possibly want or need, and see what happens.
I'm sure it will be something good.
We took the birds to the rescue place; they will be much better off, as will I. On the way home, we stopped by the shelter to drop off the application, the one needed to set up a visit with fostered pets. Turns out, the cats we were looking for were no longer in foster, so we got to sit with them in kitty city.
Fortunately, we know that kitty city is better named stress city; 7-10 adult cats thrown together on a rotating basis. Our boys weren't at their best. Far from it. 5 minutes into our visit, the shelter called me, and were thrilled to find out that, indeed, they were calling me from 10 feet away. The adoption was approved (likely because I had adopted a cat from them previously) and within half an hour, we were on our way home with 2 freshly microchipped cream colorpoint boys.
We were not ready.
Despite spending well over a week intending to bring them home, we thought, certainly, the shelter would take longer than a day, since a day is standard procedure. We thought they were in foster care, which would have meant scheduling a time to meet them, so up to another week.
Nope. 5 minutes after stopping at the humane society to drop off paperwork, I'd been approved, and asked if I wanted to take them home today, or pick them up later.
Turns out, they had been at the shelter for almost 7 months after being surrendered because their family "didn't have time for them". Nobody had time for them.
We have time for them. I'm even more sure of my choice knowing what they came from and went through,
They have been with us for a day and a half now. They are eating, although it's not agreeing with them the greatest just yet. At least one of them is playing, they are exploring, they aren't running into hiding when we knock to open the door. They are using the boxes properly, and haven't destroyed anything yet. I even got a chance to love on the bolder of the two for a while this morning.
It's slower going than any of my previous cats, but these two lost a lot, and it's going to take them a while to open up again. And that's OK.
We'll give them everything they could possibly want or need, and see what happens.
I'm sure it will be something good.
Thursday, July 23, 2015
Updates!
So today I go in for a round of ultrasounds, in preparation for my tubal ligation surgery on Tuesday.
I am stupid-nervous. Not about my decision, but about the actual event. I know I shouldn't be, because it's fairly minor, but still, it's a big leap, and my nerves are shot.
Today I'm also picking up more cat boxes and moving money around to get my cats their shots on Saturday. I'm preparing my birds to go to the bird rescue tomorrow at noon, and I'm cleaning to prepare a room for new kitties.
Because my partner agreed to more kitties. 2 of them, and I think I've found the purrrrrfect pair; 8YO cream colorpoint brothers. This is without meeting them and assessing their personalities, but based on breed and age alone, I think they will make a good addition to the family.
I specifically looked for older cats. Why? Well for one thing, older cats are much harder to adopt out. Most people want kittens, or life-long friends. I want these things, as well, but there are enough other forever homes for them that I can't justify the acquisition. What I want are cats that aren't likely to find other homes, either because of personality, behavior, age, whatever.
These brothers are a trifecta of unappealing adoption prospects; they are 8, which is "senior" even though it's only about 40 in human years; there are two of them, which is harder to place, as many people want only one more; they are a very chatty and active breed - not a breed known for calm quiet.
Why do I want to give them a home? Simple; they didn't choose to have their home ripped from them. They didn't want to lose their lifelong human companion(s), and they are hurting with the loss. Just like you would. I've lost my mother, so I know how hard it can be to lose someone close to your heart, and cats are highly emotional, just like we are.
I'm not at all concerned that they won't live long, as happy, healthy cats often push 16-19 years; even if they only live for a couple more years, they can make excellent companions. Cats removed from loving homes generally want to re-establish a close bond, and as long as they know that bond isn't going anywhere, they can enjoy the remaining years.
Further, cats don't age like humans do. Sure, they eventually change their routine to accommodate their new abilities (or lack thereof), but they usually retain most of their desire for activity and stimulation. One of my cats is only a few years behind in age, so it's not as though this is something I will avoid if I don't get older cats, anyway.
Their medical care might be a bit higher than for a kitten (post-spay/neuter and kitten shots, mind.. kitten care is super expensive) but my partner and I don't exactly have kids or other major financial commitments, so I see this as a non-issue; we set aside money, if they become chronic illness cats, insurance can be purchased. The care they get will be at least as good as one would give their children, because ultimately, that's what cats are to this household. Tiny, furry, cuddly, less expensive, more amusing children.
I'm so excited for our new additions that I've been looking for cat colony ideas (hanging walkways, hammocks, tons of paths and climbing areas, the works) for the spaces we have available. Nothing so complicated as I've seen online, of course (not until the next house, which will be specifically built to accommodate cats) but enough to give them a ton of "their own space", especially places the humans can't get, but from which they can still interact.
I think everyone involved is going to be thrilled, sooner or later.
I know I am!!
I am stupid-nervous. Not about my decision, but about the actual event. I know I shouldn't be, because it's fairly minor, but still, it's a big leap, and my nerves are shot.
Today I'm also picking up more cat boxes and moving money around to get my cats their shots on Saturday. I'm preparing my birds to go to the bird rescue tomorrow at noon, and I'm cleaning to prepare a room for new kitties.
Because my partner agreed to more kitties. 2 of them, and I think I've found the purrrrrfect pair; 8YO cream colorpoint brothers. This is without meeting them and assessing their personalities, but based on breed and age alone, I think they will make a good addition to the family.
I specifically looked for older cats. Why? Well for one thing, older cats are much harder to adopt out. Most people want kittens, or life-long friends. I want these things, as well, but there are enough other forever homes for them that I can't justify the acquisition. What I want are cats that aren't likely to find other homes, either because of personality, behavior, age, whatever.
These brothers are a trifecta of unappealing adoption prospects; they are 8, which is "senior" even though it's only about 40 in human years; there are two of them, which is harder to place, as many people want only one more; they are a very chatty and active breed - not a breed known for calm quiet.
Why do I want to give them a home? Simple; they didn't choose to have their home ripped from them. They didn't want to lose their lifelong human companion(s), and they are hurting with the loss. Just like you would. I've lost my mother, so I know how hard it can be to lose someone close to your heart, and cats are highly emotional, just like we are.
I'm not at all concerned that they won't live long, as happy, healthy cats often push 16-19 years; even if they only live for a couple more years, they can make excellent companions. Cats removed from loving homes generally want to re-establish a close bond, and as long as they know that bond isn't going anywhere, they can enjoy the remaining years.
Further, cats don't age like humans do. Sure, they eventually change their routine to accommodate their new abilities (or lack thereof), but they usually retain most of their desire for activity and stimulation. One of my cats is only a few years behind in age, so it's not as though this is something I will avoid if I don't get older cats, anyway.
Their medical care might be a bit higher than for a kitten (post-spay/neuter and kitten shots, mind.. kitten care is super expensive) but my partner and I don't exactly have kids or other major financial commitments, so I see this as a non-issue; we set aside money, if they become chronic illness cats, insurance can be purchased. The care they get will be at least as good as one would give their children, because ultimately, that's what cats are to this household. Tiny, furry, cuddly, less expensive, more amusing children.
I'm so excited for our new additions that I've been looking for cat colony ideas (hanging walkways, hammocks, tons of paths and climbing areas, the works) for the spaces we have available. Nothing so complicated as I've seen online, of course (not until the next house, which will be specifically built to accommodate cats) but enough to give them a ton of "their own space", especially places the humans can't get, but from which they can still interact.
I think everyone involved is going to be thrilled, sooner or later.
I know I am!!
Thursday, July 16, 2015
What's good for me...
I'm trying to talk boyfriendicus in to letting me add 2 more cats to my home (an adorable bonded pair of 8-year-old neutered male Siamese mix, just like one of my existing cats but with darker coloring).
He's not as thrilled at the prospect as I am, even though he doesn't do the labor of love for them; feeding, water, boxes, the bulk of attention and "training", and the majority of constructing toys and cat furniture, that's my job, and that's totally fine with me. They are, after all, my cats, and I am, after all, home a lot more often. My cats fill the social void in my life, especially when I'm not feeling well enough to be social with people. They are my companions, and I don't mind doing things for them, although I do sometimes have difficulty finding the drive to do said tasks in a timely manor.
I've been reading a lot lately about how having multiple cats actually makes said cats interact more pleasantly, and that, I think, is something my existing cats would like. As it stands, I have one very active cat, Scooter, a 2 year-old Siamese mix, and on not-so-active cat, a 7 year-old domestic short-hair named Gin (pronounced ghii-n, which is Japanese for "silver") who's communication skills are.. well.. not the best. Giving them a pair of cats to befriend increases the chance that both existing cats will find something to like, and should greatly reduce the existing friction. And that's what I want.
Yes, one additional cat can serve that function as well, but 2 give more of a buffer. When resources are plentiful, cats do best in groups. Goes straight against everything we've been told, no? But there it is. Cats are very intelligent, and very social, and just like people, they want friends to share activities with. If there are only 2 cats, and they don't have the same personality and interests, there will be friction as they continually ask each other for things they won't get. Just like with human friends, though, even 2 very similar cats won't like all the same activities. It's rare to find a human who likes skydiving, playing classical piano, going to clubs, and, say, cooking... all in the same person. Similarly, it's difficult to find a cat who will like everything the existing cats like, especially since the existing cats are so different in personality.
I've explained the logic, but it's so counter to everything we grow up hearing and believing that it's not going well on the convincing end. His concerns seem to focus around the litter boxes, and the need to change them more often. I don't see this being the case, as I strictly follow the "one box per cat plus one" rule, though I would probably do "one per cat plus one per 2" so I would have 6, not 5. Since I use shredded paper from craigslist for litter, this wouldn't cost any more than it does now, though the compost pile will grow more quickly. With the right number of boxes, the frequency of changes shouldn't be a concern, nor should it be significantly different than now.
The food cost is another issue he's citing. And I'll give him that. Canned food is a bit pricey, but I buy it in bulk every 6 months when I get my school money, so that when I'm broke, it's OK; I will still have food for them. The cost of food would double from $200/6mths to ~$400/6mths. Most people pay that in litter, alone. The place I buy canned food has the best prices I've found for a quality selection (~$0.30/can), and they do a bulk-order discount, so for every 10 flats (box of 24 cans) I get one free flat. I'd be buying 30 flats every 6 months, so I'd get 3 flats free. We have a basement we never use for anything, so I have no major concerns over where to put it all, and the saved effort of going to get it when I run out is more than worth the effort of buying it all at once.
As for the time and amusement needs, that's the joy of multiple cats; they spend time with each other, and it reduces the interaction need with humans. This isn't to say I don't care to spend a bunch of time with the cats, especially 4 of them, but the type of interaction would be different. More companionship, less guided play, because they can play together a lot better than they can play with a human. My cats currently have a bunch of pent-up energy that we can't properly discharge; Scooter has a boatload of energy, and assumes that all toys are for him all the time, which prevents my more relaxed cat from feeling comfortable playing. 2 more cats could even this out nicely, and allow me special time with the first cat I adopted on my own, Gin.
He seems to think that older cats are not as good as the younger ones, but as it turns out, they just take longer to acclimate. Indeed, older cats are likely to be better in the long run, because they were ripped from a happy home through no fault of their own, and just want a new friend or two. These two would be roughly the same age as Gin, so they should have the same level of maturity,if not the same level of activity. That's a good setup, and sure you could do it with just one cat, but it doesn't give the same friendship opportunities for the cats, especially when they aren't the same personality.
The current dynamic in the house isn't the greatest. Boyfriendicus doesn't seem too interested in learning (on his own) how to be friends with my cats, although after I explained how just being in the room with him was a sign from Gin that she was ready to be his friend, he took to acknowledging her presence and giving her kitty kisses (slowly-blinked eyes). This means, to me, that the whole situation could very easily change, and for the better, with just a bit of work from the two of us, and that translates DIRECTLY to cohesion with a new set of cats, as well. Every trick he learns to interact with Gin, who is really a very sweet kitty with a rough history and trust issues, is one more trick to apply to new cats.
Every effort given to the cats we have now is an effort that will have much weight when the existing cats show the new ones the ropes "see that big human? The one who who isn't home all day? Yeah, he's completely clueless, but he's trying, go give him some love". Cats can communicate complex ideas, just like we can. We just don't understand them, and so assume it doesn't happen. This, I think, is the point above all others that should encourage friendship; if you have it with one, you are more likely to have it with the others. They understand effort, and they appreciate it.
He's concerned that doubling the cat population in the house will lead to new problems, but I've seen the way Gin and Scooter interact with the neighborhood cats from their outdoor 8x9x9 enclosure. They want to be social, but on their own terms. That is to say, they want to be social, just not with each other, because their needs aren't being properly met with the current setup. If Scooter could get his play out with other active cats, he could leave Gin in peace, and she might actually like him. She tries really hard to like him now, and even grooms him occasionally, she just can't be his best friend right now because he pesters her for play.
My conundrum is this; I really, honestly, think 2 cats, especially an older but active pair which are significantly less likely to be adopted (both because they are older, and because there are two which cannot be separated), would be a good fit for us. Boyfriendicus brought up the idea of getting another cat, so it's clear that he enjoys them, and I've always had cats, and view pats as a "the more the merrier" situation. Their behaviors and interactions are fascinating, and I feel good when I make them feel good.
I want to convince him that it's our best best for a happy home, but at the same time, I respect his opinion, and he shares this home, so it impacts him, as well. The last time I went to the shelter to get a cat, I tried to convince him to get 2, and he said no. We should have gotten 2 then, and I probably wouldn't be looking now.
I did tell him if we got 2 more, I wouldn't want more until one of them died, and it's true; 4 is all I want, it's my kitty limit. I just want there to be at least one cat available most of the time for affection, and I want them all happy. Those aren't such bad goals, especially for a household with no intention of having kids.
He's not as thrilled at the prospect as I am, even though he doesn't do the labor of love for them; feeding, water, boxes, the bulk of attention and "training", and the majority of constructing toys and cat furniture, that's my job, and that's totally fine with me. They are, after all, my cats, and I am, after all, home a lot more often. My cats fill the social void in my life, especially when I'm not feeling well enough to be social with people. They are my companions, and I don't mind doing things for them, although I do sometimes have difficulty finding the drive to do said tasks in a timely manor.
I've been reading a lot lately about how having multiple cats actually makes said cats interact more pleasantly, and that, I think, is something my existing cats would like. As it stands, I have one very active cat, Scooter, a 2 year-old Siamese mix, and on not-so-active cat, a 7 year-old domestic short-hair named Gin (pronounced ghii-n, which is Japanese for "silver") who's communication skills are.. well.. not the best. Giving them a pair of cats to befriend increases the chance that both existing cats will find something to like, and should greatly reduce the existing friction. And that's what I want.
Yes, one additional cat can serve that function as well, but 2 give more of a buffer. When resources are plentiful, cats do best in groups. Goes straight against everything we've been told, no? But there it is. Cats are very intelligent, and very social, and just like people, they want friends to share activities with. If there are only 2 cats, and they don't have the same personality and interests, there will be friction as they continually ask each other for things they won't get. Just like with human friends, though, even 2 very similar cats won't like all the same activities. It's rare to find a human who likes skydiving, playing classical piano, going to clubs, and, say, cooking... all in the same person. Similarly, it's difficult to find a cat who will like everything the existing cats like, especially since the existing cats are so different in personality.
I've explained the logic, but it's so counter to everything we grow up hearing and believing that it's not going well on the convincing end. His concerns seem to focus around the litter boxes, and the need to change them more often. I don't see this being the case, as I strictly follow the "one box per cat plus one" rule, though I would probably do "one per cat plus one per 2" so I would have 6, not 5. Since I use shredded paper from craigslist for litter, this wouldn't cost any more than it does now, though the compost pile will grow more quickly. With the right number of boxes, the frequency of changes shouldn't be a concern, nor should it be significantly different than now.
The food cost is another issue he's citing. And I'll give him that. Canned food is a bit pricey, but I buy it in bulk every 6 months when I get my school money, so that when I'm broke, it's OK; I will still have food for them. The cost of food would double from $200/6mths to ~$400/6mths. Most people pay that in litter, alone. The place I buy canned food has the best prices I've found for a quality selection (~$0.30/can), and they do a bulk-order discount, so for every 10 flats (box of 24 cans) I get one free flat. I'd be buying 30 flats every 6 months, so I'd get 3 flats free. We have a basement we never use for anything, so I have no major concerns over where to put it all, and the saved effort of going to get it when I run out is more than worth the effort of buying it all at once.
As for the time and amusement needs, that's the joy of multiple cats; they spend time with each other, and it reduces the interaction need with humans. This isn't to say I don't care to spend a bunch of time with the cats, especially 4 of them, but the type of interaction would be different. More companionship, less guided play, because they can play together a lot better than they can play with a human. My cats currently have a bunch of pent-up energy that we can't properly discharge; Scooter has a boatload of energy, and assumes that all toys are for him all the time, which prevents my more relaxed cat from feeling comfortable playing. 2 more cats could even this out nicely, and allow me special time with the first cat I adopted on my own, Gin.
He seems to think that older cats are not as good as the younger ones, but as it turns out, they just take longer to acclimate. Indeed, older cats are likely to be better in the long run, because they were ripped from a happy home through no fault of their own, and just want a new friend or two. These two would be roughly the same age as Gin, so they should have the same level of maturity,if not the same level of activity. That's a good setup, and sure you could do it with just one cat, but it doesn't give the same friendship opportunities for the cats, especially when they aren't the same personality.
The current dynamic in the house isn't the greatest. Boyfriendicus doesn't seem too interested in learning (on his own) how to be friends with my cats, although after I explained how just being in the room with him was a sign from Gin that she was ready to be his friend, he took to acknowledging her presence and giving her kitty kisses (slowly-blinked eyes). This means, to me, that the whole situation could very easily change, and for the better, with just a bit of work from the two of us, and that translates DIRECTLY to cohesion with a new set of cats, as well. Every trick he learns to interact with Gin, who is really a very sweet kitty with a rough history and trust issues, is one more trick to apply to new cats.
Every effort given to the cats we have now is an effort that will have much weight when the existing cats show the new ones the ropes "see that big human? The one who who isn't home all day? Yeah, he's completely clueless, but he's trying, go give him some love". Cats can communicate complex ideas, just like we can. We just don't understand them, and so assume it doesn't happen. This, I think, is the point above all others that should encourage friendship; if you have it with one, you are more likely to have it with the others. They understand effort, and they appreciate it.
He's concerned that doubling the cat population in the house will lead to new problems, but I've seen the way Gin and Scooter interact with the neighborhood cats from their outdoor 8x9x9 enclosure. They want to be social, but on their own terms. That is to say, they want to be social, just not with each other, because their needs aren't being properly met with the current setup. If Scooter could get his play out with other active cats, he could leave Gin in peace, and she might actually like him. She tries really hard to like him now, and even grooms him occasionally, she just can't be his best friend right now because he pesters her for play.
My conundrum is this; I really, honestly, think 2 cats, especially an older but active pair which are significantly less likely to be adopted (both because they are older, and because there are two which cannot be separated), would be a good fit for us. Boyfriendicus brought up the idea of getting another cat, so it's clear that he enjoys them, and I've always had cats, and view pats as a "the more the merrier" situation. Their behaviors and interactions are fascinating, and I feel good when I make them feel good.
I want to convince him that it's our best best for a happy home, but at the same time, I respect his opinion, and he shares this home, so it impacts him, as well. The last time I went to the shelter to get a cat, I tried to convince him to get 2, and he said no. We should have gotten 2 then, and I probably wouldn't be looking now.
I did tell him if we got 2 more, I wouldn't want more until one of them died, and it's true; 4 is all I want, it's my kitty limit. I just want there to be at least one cat available most of the time for affection, and I want them all happy. Those aren't such bad goals, especially for a household with no intention of having kids.
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
Trading in Problems
WARNING - this post discusses GI functionality. I will do my best to avoid any graphic language, but be aware. You have been warned.
For as long as I can remember, I've had tummy problems. Actually, that's not strictly true; for most of my life, my tummy problems were transitory, came and went depending on my diet. A number of years ago, possibly around the time of my military service, but I could be mistaken, everything changed.
Suddenly, I was getting cramping, bloating, and motility issues. I thought, for sure, it was the large quantities of milk I was drinking every day, because when I stopped, so did my tummy problems. Lactose sensitivity was, I believe, only the beginning, because when I cut dairy from my diet, the problems went away for a while, but then came back just as strong.
It got to the point where nothing I eat sits well. Within a handful of hours of eating, my tummy blows up like a balloon, so I now only eat at night, knowing that at least if I'm asleep, I don't have to try to do anything when my tummy pain is at it's worst. I was diagnosed with IBS-C, which I will leave to you to look up if you are not familiar.
IBS isn't so much a diagnosis as an acknowledgement of distress. There's no known cause, no known cure, and the treatments are lifestyle and amazingly strict dietary changes that severely impact quality of life, assuming they even work (for many, including myself, they do not). Additionally, IBS is more of a compilation of symptoms than an actual condition, as the criterion for it are quite broad and overlap with numerous other, known, conditions. Frankly I think it's a cop out; patient gets a diagnosis, which is all some of them want, but that's it. Once you have an IBS diagnosis, that's more or less where your guided treatment (with doctors) ends, because most of them have absolutely no clue what to do, and yes, that does include, for the most part, GI specialists.
So I started doing my own research on the symptoms I experience, and I brought this info to my doctors, both to get their opinion of it, and see if there was any way they could help. Mind, I'm not getting paid to do their job for them, but I certainly should be. I'm not entirely negative on doctors, but I'm absolutely balls-to-the-wall frustrated by their lack of giving a shit. I realize that there are a plethora of new ailments these days, likely caused by the industrial lifestyle we live today, and that's difficult to keep up with and all, but when your doctor asks, every visit, "Where would you like to see your treatment go? What do you think would help? Is there any treatment you'd like to try?" it really emphasizes that they aren't doing any looking on their own. Isn't that what doctors are supposed to want to do? Learn how to help their patients find relief, even if it means doing a bit of *gasp* continued education? After all, a doctor who has done the bare-minimum professional development (continued learning) will be out-of-date on a lot of info, and the longer they have been practicing, the more outdated their information becomes.
It's not my job to be a doctor, to do a buttload of research, to suggest my own treatment. I don't know what I'm doing, medically, but because I find the topic quite interesting, and go out of my way to learn about biology and medicine, I probably know a lot more than the average person. I shudder to think what the average person goes through when they hear something like that, especially if they don't have the innate drive to research that I have developed. I believe this is a symptom of a larger problem; it goes along with drug companies marketing direct to uninformed consumers, rather than to doctors, as they should, and are required to do in many parts of the world where direct-to-consumer drug marketing is banned. They are relying on people with no knowledge of biochemistry, hormones, anatomy, organ interactions, etc etc etc, to request their drug based on misleading commercials. And people do exactly that. Because the commercial tells them to talk to their doctor about it, when the doctor should be talking to them about it. That whole system is a disaster-mess, and it's WRONG. Wrong and harmful, depressing, alarming, and it makes the patient feel worthless. If their doctor doesn't even care enough to suggest another treatment, the patient must be complaining too much, or have a problem the doctor doesn't care to solve.
Consider it this way; you are having a house built. You hire an architect to design the building, which turns out to be very complicated structurally, even though from the outside, it looks fairly simple. Something goes awry, and you notice a problem with the structure, and you point out the problem to your architect. Said architect then asks you what you think should be done about it, and you have the pleasure of learning all about construction to answer, because said architect will do no research for you. Even though that's exactly what they get paid for, and they know more about it than you do. More likely, you get upset and fire the shitty architect. You wouldn't stand for that sort of treatment, yet this is exactly what happens every day with doctors across the country, and it's horrifying. They aren't all like that, but enough of them are for it to be a major problem.
I have gotten little help from doctors on my IBS problems, so of course I looked for any dietary factors that could help, and I hit on beneficial bacteria. Now, I know that probiotic supplementation isn't likely to cure long-term problems, so I went into it expecting little. I used kefir for my probiotics, both milk and water varieties, and cultured my own with grains I bought on amazon for $12. Kefir contains 10+ (actual number varies from one set of grains to the next, depending on what they are fed) strains of bacteria and yeasts per type of culture, and the residents of milk kefir are different from those in water kefir. OTC and Rx probiotics contain 1-5 strains in much smaller quantities, and I'm a cheapskate.
I was surprised. I still have major tummy problems, the gas and bloating are still entirely present, as are the abdominal cramps, but joyously, I have switched sides from IBS-C to IBS-D. Believe me, the latter is easier to deal with. Unfortunately, the problems I have remaining seem to be something like SIBO, although I strongly doubt it's a bacteria overgrowth; more likely it's a candida -yeast- overgrowth, since yeasts produce copious amounts of gasses. I'm not yet entirely certain how to deal with this, but new information comes out about digestive problems rather frequently, so perhaps it won't be long.
In the course of this swap, however, I seem to have lost 13 lbs. I've never, in my life, lost 13 lbs; since the time I started wrestling at about 14 -when I went from 115 lbs and 21% body fat to 119 lbs and 14% body fat- I've been within 4 lbs of 123. I'm reasonably active; I run full-speed up and down the stairs in my house multiple times through the course of my day, lift and shift heavy objects regularly, including 5-gallon buckets of water for my aquariums, etc. I eat mostly healthy, home-cooked food (my partner cooks for me; he's wonderful-I'm not a great cook.) and nothing, as far as I am aware, has changed except how long food stays in my system. Oh, and I cut out some sugar from my diet (by "diet" I mean "coffee"), because holy fuck is that stuff bad for you. Seriously, sugar, in the quantities we consume these days, is toxic. But I don't think cutting a minor amount of sugar from a diet that already contains very little (except I do love my fruit and occasional candy) would have done this.
So now I have a conundrum; If I eat more, I get the pleasure of more frequent pain. If I don't, I may lose too much weight to be healthy.
What would you do, in this position?
For as long as I can remember, I've had tummy problems. Actually, that's not strictly true; for most of my life, my tummy problems were transitory, came and went depending on my diet. A number of years ago, possibly around the time of my military service, but I could be mistaken, everything changed.
Suddenly, I was getting cramping, bloating, and motility issues. I thought, for sure, it was the large quantities of milk I was drinking every day, because when I stopped, so did my tummy problems. Lactose sensitivity was, I believe, only the beginning, because when I cut dairy from my diet, the problems went away for a while, but then came back just as strong.
It got to the point where nothing I eat sits well. Within a handful of hours of eating, my tummy blows up like a balloon, so I now only eat at night, knowing that at least if I'm asleep, I don't have to try to do anything when my tummy pain is at it's worst. I was diagnosed with IBS-C, which I will leave to you to look up if you are not familiar.
IBS isn't so much a diagnosis as an acknowledgement of distress. There's no known cause, no known cure, and the treatments are lifestyle and amazingly strict dietary changes that severely impact quality of life, assuming they even work (for many, including myself, they do not). Additionally, IBS is more of a compilation of symptoms than an actual condition, as the criterion for it are quite broad and overlap with numerous other, known, conditions. Frankly I think it's a cop out; patient gets a diagnosis, which is all some of them want, but that's it. Once you have an IBS diagnosis, that's more or less where your guided treatment (with doctors) ends, because most of them have absolutely no clue what to do, and yes, that does include, for the most part, GI specialists.
So I started doing my own research on the symptoms I experience, and I brought this info to my doctors, both to get their opinion of it, and see if there was any way they could help. Mind, I'm not getting paid to do their job for them, but I certainly should be. I'm not entirely negative on doctors, but I'm absolutely balls-to-the-wall frustrated by their lack of giving a shit. I realize that there are a plethora of new ailments these days, likely caused by the industrial lifestyle we live today, and that's difficult to keep up with and all, but when your doctor asks, every visit, "Where would you like to see your treatment go? What do you think would help? Is there any treatment you'd like to try?" it really emphasizes that they aren't doing any looking on their own. Isn't that what doctors are supposed to want to do? Learn how to help their patients find relief, even if it means doing a bit of *gasp* continued education? After all, a doctor who has done the bare-minimum professional development (continued learning) will be out-of-date on a lot of info, and the longer they have been practicing, the more outdated their information becomes.
It's not my job to be a doctor, to do a buttload of research, to suggest my own treatment. I don't know what I'm doing, medically, but because I find the topic quite interesting, and go out of my way to learn about biology and medicine, I probably know a lot more than the average person. I shudder to think what the average person goes through when they hear something like that, especially if they don't have the innate drive to research that I have developed. I believe this is a symptom of a larger problem; it goes along with drug companies marketing direct to uninformed consumers, rather than to doctors, as they should, and are required to do in many parts of the world where direct-to-consumer drug marketing is banned. They are relying on people with no knowledge of biochemistry, hormones, anatomy, organ interactions, etc etc etc, to request their drug based on misleading commercials. And people do exactly that. Because the commercial tells them to talk to their doctor about it, when the doctor should be talking to them about it. That whole system is a disaster-mess, and it's WRONG. Wrong and harmful, depressing, alarming, and it makes the patient feel worthless. If their doctor doesn't even care enough to suggest another treatment, the patient must be complaining too much, or have a problem the doctor doesn't care to solve.
Consider it this way; you are having a house built. You hire an architect to design the building, which turns out to be very complicated structurally, even though from the outside, it looks fairly simple. Something goes awry, and you notice a problem with the structure, and you point out the problem to your architect. Said architect then asks you what you think should be done about it, and you have the pleasure of learning all about construction to answer, because said architect will do no research for you. Even though that's exactly what they get paid for, and they know more about it than you do. More likely, you get upset and fire the shitty architect. You wouldn't stand for that sort of treatment, yet this is exactly what happens every day with doctors across the country, and it's horrifying. They aren't all like that, but enough of them are for it to be a major problem.
I have gotten little help from doctors on my IBS problems, so of course I looked for any dietary factors that could help, and I hit on beneficial bacteria. Now, I know that probiotic supplementation isn't likely to cure long-term problems, so I went into it expecting little. I used kefir for my probiotics, both milk and water varieties, and cultured my own with grains I bought on amazon for $12. Kefir contains 10+ (actual number varies from one set of grains to the next, depending on what they are fed) strains of bacteria and yeasts per type of culture, and the residents of milk kefir are different from those in water kefir. OTC and Rx probiotics contain 1-5 strains in much smaller quantities, and I'm a cheapskate.
I was surprised. I still have major tummy problems, the gas and bloating are still entirely present, as are the abdominal cramps, but joyously, I have switched sides from IBS-C to IBS-D. Believe me, the latter is easier to deal with. Unfortunately, the problems I have remaining seem to be something like SIBO, although I strongly doubt it's a bacteria overgrowth; more likely it's a candida -yeast- overgrowth, since yeasts produce copious amounts of gasses. I'm not yet entirely certain how to deal with this, but new information comes out about digestive problems rather frequently, so perhaps it won't be long.
In the course of this swap, however, I seem to have lost 13 lbs. I've never, in my life, lost 13 lbs; since the time I started wrestling at about 14 -when I went from 115 lbs and 21% body fat to 119 lbs and 14% body fat- I've been within 4 lbs of 123. I'm reasonably active; I run full-speed up and down the stairs in my house multiple times through the course of my day, lift and shift heavy objects regularly, including 5-gallon buckets of water for my aquariums, etc. I eat mostly healthy, home-cooked food (my partner cooks for me; he's wonderful-I'm not a great cook.) and nothing, as far as I am aware, has changed except how long food stays in my system. Oh, and I cut out some sugar from my diet (by "diet" I mean "coffee"), because holy fuck is that stuff bad for you. Seriously, sugar, in the quantities we consume these days, is toxic. But I don't think cutting a minor amount of sugar from a diet that already contains very little (except I do love my fruit and occasional candy) would have done this.
So now I have a conundrum; If I eat more, I get the pleasure of more frequent pain. If I don't, I may lose too much weight to be healthy.
What would you do, in this position?
Thursday, July 9, 2015
The heat is coming
It's been going back and forth between chilly and almost too hot.. I'm really waiting for the 2-3 week span of over 100 days that we normally get near the end of summer.
But, for those of you who live somewhere that doesn't have winter 2/3 of the year, this is probably the perfect time to share some stay-cool-cheap tips that I've used.
I'm not a big fan of overly-cold cooling methods, so anything involving ice in direct contact with any part of the body, or very cold showers... I'm not including those.. :p
We don't use AC, even though we have a window unit. I think since we got it from my step-dad, some 3 years ago, we've used it twice, for a day or two at a time at most. I'm not sure if that says something about the house, us, or the shit weather we get, or just that the other tricks work well enough that that sort of electricity drain isn't necessary. Whatever the reason, I've gone most of my life without AC, including the 3 years I spent in Houston, and I don't see that changing now, just because I can stretch my budget to afford it, if I eally really wanted to.
So I imagine I'm not the only person who either can't afford or doesn't want to pay for AC, yet a lot of chronic pain sufferers don't deal well with heat. In the spirit of making life better, I thought I might share some crazy tricks that really help you beat the heat, cliche though that statement may be.
On to the crazy ideas!
Everyone says "use a fan in a window" but I've got an improvement over such an easy concept. I used to live in a house with no functional venting on the second floor; no heat, no cool. I put a box fan into a window, airflow pointed out, and duct-taped cardboard around the fan, functionally sealing it so that air couldn't blow back in around it. In summer, a second window -usually in the basement, but any shaded window in a cool room will work- is opened just a bit to allow air movement, and the fan is left on indefinitely. This works best for a bedroom window or any apartment window, as larger houses generally need a bit more than this. My current house (~1500 sqft) is a bit too large for this to be the only life-saver. If you have a large enough space, and it isn't anything near air-tight, this can also be used in winter, even in the coldest of areas. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's entirely true, and I've done it. It's probably not great for the heat bill, and almost certainly not better than a space heater, but when your options are be cold or waste a little heat, well the answer seems kinda obvious.
Use white tagboard or paint some cardboard white, and tape it to any windows that get direct sunlight. A matte finish works best, and reflects more light than gloss or semigloss (crazy, right?). This will reflect a good amount of the sun, and prevent it from heating up your space. If you can put the white material between the window sashes and the screen/storm window, even better, because the warmed material would never come into direct contact with the air in the room. If your area allows it, foil can also be used with great success for this, however care must be taken; if installed poorly into a window that gets direct light, even for 5 minutes a day, the reflection and concentrating of the light rays CAN AND DO melt or discolor siding, even on the neighbors' houses. Trust me on this one; I used to work warranty claims for a window company (FYI, that is never covered by warranty, and usually not by insurance unless the damage was done to you and not by you)
If your room is quite dark because you are trying to keep the sun out, try putting mirrors around in places where light does come in (because hey, if you aren't using AC, you probably have a window open somewhere!) such as a mirror across from the window, or even a few under the window, angled to reflect light. This will reflect the light around the room, increasing how bright it looks. Not strictly a heat-buster, but since you won't be keeping as many artificial lights on, it can certainly help! If possible, open windows should be in shaded locations, but enough light still comes in for mirrors to help substantially.
Swap your lights for LED bulbs, and unplug all electronics which aren't in use. This seems more like an energy-saving tip, but remember; energy converts into heat in all electronic devices we have, bar none. We don't have the capacity to make waste-heat-free devices, currently, since heat is one of the main byproducts of the electrical resistance required for said devices to work. LED light bulbs produce significantly less heat than other types of lights, and because of this lack of waste, they use a lot less energy. I have replaced all of my commonly-used lights with LEDs, and I adore them. I get mine at Menards for about $4 each, and they save at least that in the first year of use, if swapping from incandescent. They stay cool enough that I can handle even a still-on light bulb that has been on all day. Lights used infrequently can be replaced with CFL bulbs, as well, and even that helps. To make this more understandable; the bulbs I use are 65 watt equivalent, which means the same light output as a 65 watt incandescent bulb. For a 65-equivalent CFL, the power draw is 21 watts, and for an LED, it's about 9. Just think about that; same light output between the incandescent and LED, but 56 watts less energy, which means 56 watts less HEAT.. per bulb!
Unplugging devices is basically the same concept. All electronic devices draw power whenever they are plugged in, even though, to my understanding, they have an internal switch that is supposed to prevent that. Over time, it wears down, and current feeds into the device, even though it's off. This is especially true of large devices like TVs, game consoles, and computers, which use a lot of energy, and anything with an LED indicator light. If the light is on, you are wasting electricity and generating heat. Even if the light isn't on, if the device is plugged in, you will be using power. My solution was to plug everything in to power strips that have on/off breaker switches, organized into power groups; stuff not used daily -video game systems, for example- have a power strip that stays off most of the time, while commonly-used devices like TV and computer are wired to a single strip so they can easily be turned on during the day. The difference between having the devices plugged directly into an outlet vs. using a power strip is that when you turn off the power strip, the circuit is interrupted, and no power flows through the strip, so it can't even reach the device to be wasted. You can't do that with standard outlets (although GFCI outlets are good for this).
Invest in a small kiddie pool or a large sturdy tote. I know, whaaaaat? Even if you live in an apartment, a cool foot soak can easily turn even the most miserably hot, still night, into an entirely comfortable (and skin-nourishing!!) experience. If you have enough space in your living room, move the table and set up a cool foot soak (if you use a kiddie pool, get one that is hard-sided; you do NOT want to risk it going flat and flooding the living room). Water contact causes you to lose body heat 25 times faster than air contact, which is why you get hypothermia so much faster in water than air, but the same applies to small temperature differences, as well. As long as the water is colder than about 80 degrees F, it will help you feel better. As a bonus, when you no longer need or want your foot soak, you can use the water (assuming you didn't add anything to it) to water houseplants!
Close off any view of outside, and watch a string of winter-themed movies or shows. Seriously, it really does help. Since we generally watch winter-themed movies in winter, and the sight of snow reminds us of cold, this is purely a psychological trick, but a reasonably effective one. Just resist the temptation to look out the window to verify the weather, and allow your suspension of disbelief to take over.
I find that cold showers just make me miserable really quickly afterwards; your body is convinced that it's now cold, and you thus need to conserve body heat. As contrary as it sounds, though, a hot shower on a hot day is marvelous. For much the same reason as the cooling problem, the body thinks it's REALLY hot after a hot shower, and that it needs to cool very quickly. Because any temp post-shower is cooler than during-shower, you feel better, and the effect lasts longer. Best to air-dry. I find this actually makes me quite chilled for a long while, while a cold shower leads me to sweat within minutes of getting out.
If you want to do outdoor activities, pick up a parasol or cheap umbrella; the sun/shade difference is really quite impressive, and you aren't stuck hanging out under trees. I took a parasol on a whale-watching boat ride a few years ago, and it was easily the best choice I've made about sun protection in a long time. A parasol/umbrella and a utility clamp combine to make an excellent chair shade on-the-cheap, and the whole setup is great for sitting around the outdoor kiddie pool, soaking feet and having some frozen drinks.
Frozen drinks bring me to my next point, though; they don't cool you down. Not really. They may make you feel cooler, briefly, but similar to a cold shower, the extreme cold temp of the ice actually shocks your system, and can increase heat output. The best thing to drink on a hot day is just-cooler-than-room-temp water, something in the 60-80 degree range, depending on preference. Just like the shower trick, though, you CAN drink hot fluids when it's hot out, and for a very similar reason, it will make you feel cooler after a brief uncomfortable period.
If you have a desk fan and a spray bottle, you can mist yourself when it's really bad, but beware; after the water dries, you'll feel warmer than you were before. This trick is really only good for the worst of the hot days, because you have to keep spraying yourself to stay cool. It does work, just not the best.
With a bit of metal tube, an aquarium water pump (from amazon, you can get a decent one for about $8-12) a foam cooler, some ice, and a fan, you can make a dehumidifier/air conditioner. This will only work until the ice melts completely, so it's not really a long-term solution, but it can be super useful on really humid days. You can probably find a way to add dry ice to it to make it last longer, but I don't really know where to get that around here, so I haven't tried it. Either way, I found directions for it online. There are also directions to convert an old window AC unit into a dehumidifier for the house, but I haven't tried that, either.
If you want cold coffee (iced-style) but don't want it watered down (seriously, eew) you can pour what's left of your pot into ice cube trays and pop them in the freezer. Add a few of these to your coffee for a wonderful iced-but-not-thinned morning cup. Whiskey stones are also quite good for this. Avoid using those plastic water-filled ice cube things, though; not only does heat tend to increase leaching of chemicals from plastics, the sudden shift in temp can cause them to break.
If you have access to your ventilation system, and especially if you keep your furnace in the basement, keep your fans blowing year-round. If your always-on furnace fan isn't sufficient, consider investing in in-line vent fans; they aren't too pricey, and they drastically increase air movement, though they do tend to be a bit on the loud side. If you have the option, have your air drawn from the basement in summer; the basement is a natural heat sink, generally staying right around 55 degrees F (~12C) so circulating that air will help keep everything much cooler. This trick works best when you keep it running this way for days at a time, because it does take time for the heat to leach out and equalize.
Just like with heating in winter, close off any rooms (ideally, corner or south-facing rooms) not in use, but keep windows open in them. The closed rooms will act as a heat/cool buffer zone, and help to regulate the overall temp, while also decreasing the cubic footage that needs to stay cool. By keeping windows open, with a fan blowing out if you have one to spare, you ensure that heat and moisture don't build up beyond the ambient outdoor levels, preventing humidity-related damage as well as preventing a pocket of excessive heat from being in contact with the rest of the space (through walls/door). This helps most when it's hotter outside than inside, and you don't have windows open throughout the house. Rooms can be opened again when the temp falls below whatever comfort point you like, to maximize air flow. I have a second floor south-facing room that spans the entire front of the house, and that sucker gets amazingly hot very ridiculously quickly. Closing it off, having light-blocking curtains, and keeping the windows open has made HUGE improvements to the temp of the rest of the house. And with just one room!
If you have a window AC, and more than one story, put it somewhere on the second floor, close to the middle of the structure or near the stairs, make sure your ventilation system is running, and put a circulating fan in front of it to blow the air into the hall. This can keep most average-size homes a reasonable temperature, but don't expect it to keep the whole house at 50 degrees. Cool air, being more dense, sinks, and the heated air tends to be concentrated on the second floor anyway, so this strategy is very effective. As a bonus, if you have a non-bedroom you can put the unit in, it will keep noise levels manageable, and should keep most rooms fairly comfortable. This couples very nicely with the window fan with cardboard mentioned above.
Share your odd tips and tricks for staying cool, I love learning news hacks to make life easier!!!
But, for those of you who live somewhere that doesn't have winter 2/3 of the year, this is probably the perfect time to share some stay-cool-cheap tips that I've used.
I'm not a big fan of overly-cold cooling methods, so anything involving ice in direct contact with any part of the body, or very cold showers... I'm not including those.. :p
We don't use AC, even though we have a window unit. I think since we got it from my step-dad, some 3 years ago, we've used it twice, for a day or two at a time at most. I'm not sure if that says something about the house, us, or the shit weather we get, or just that the other tricks work well enough that that sort of electricity drain isn't necessary. Whatever the reason, I've gone most of my life without AC, including the 3 years I spent in Houston, and I don't see that changing now, just because I can stretch my budget to afford it, if I eally really wanted to.
So I imagine I'm not the only person who either can't afford or doesn't want to pay for AC, yet a lot of chronic pain sufferers don't deal well with heat. In the spirit of making life better, I thought I might share some crazy tricks that really help you beat the heat, cliche though that statement may be.
On to the crazy ideas!
Everyone says "use a fan in a window" but I've got an improvement over such an easy concept. I used to live in a house with no functional venting on the second floor; no heat, no cool. I put a box fan into a window, airflow pointed out, and duct-taped cardboard around the fan, functionally sealing it so that air couldn't blow back in around it. In summer, a second window -usually in the basement, but any shaded window in a cool room will work- is opened just a bit to allow air movement, and the fan is left on indefinitely. This works best for a bedroom window or any apartment window, as larger houses generally need a bit more than this. My current house (~1500 sqft) is a bit too large for this to be the only life-saver. If you have a large enough space, and it isn't anything near air-tight, this can also be used in winter, even in the coldest of areas. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's entirely true, and I've done it. It's probably not great for the heat bill, and almost certainly not better than a space heater, but when your options are be cold or waste a little heat, well the answer seems kinda obvious.
Use white tagboard or paint some cardboard white, and tape it to any windows that get direct sunlight. A matte finish works best, and reflects more light than gloss or semigloss (crazy, right?). This will reflect a good amount of the sun, and prevent it from heating up your space. If you can put the white material between the window sashes and the screen/storm window, even better, because the warmed material would never come into direct contact with the air in the room. If your area allows it, foil can also be used with great success for this, however care must be taken; if installed poorly into a window that gets direct light, even for 5 minutes a day, the reflection and concentrating of the light rays CAN AND DO melt or discolor siding, even on the neighbors' houses. Trust me on this one; I used to work warranty claims for a window company (FYI, that is never covered by warranty, and usually not by insurance unless the damage was done to you and not by you)
If your room is quite dark because you are trying to keep the sun out, try putting mirrors around in places where light does come in (because hey, if you aren't using AC, you probably have a window open somewhere!) such as a mirror across from the window, or even a few under the window, angled to reflect light. This will reflect the light around the room, increasing how bright it looks. Not strictly a heat-buster, but since you won't be keeping as many artificial lights on, it can certainly help! If possible, open windows should be in shaded locations, but enough light still comes in for mirrors to help substantially.
Swap your lights for LED bulbs, and unplug all electronics which aren't in use. This seems more like an energy-saving tip, but remember; energy converts into heat in all electronic devices we have, bar none. We don't have the capacity to make waste-heat-free devices, currently, since heat is one of the main byproducts of the electrical resistance required for said devices to work. LED light bulbs produce significantly less heat than other types of lights, and because of this lack of waste, they use a lot less energy. I have replaced all of my commonly-used lights with LEDs, and I adore them. I get mine at Menards for about $4 each, and they save at least that in the first year of use, if swapping from incandescent. They stay cool enough that I can handle even a still-on light bulb that has been on all day. Lights used infrequently can be replaced with CFL bulbs, as well, and even that helps. To make this more understandable; the bulbs I use are 65 watt equivalent, which means the same light output as a 65 watt incandescent bulb. For a 65-equivalent CFL, the power draw is 21 watts, and for an LED, it's about 9. Just think about that; same light output between the incandescent and LED, but 56 watts less energy, which means 56 watts less HEAT.. per bulb!
Unplugging devices is basically the same concept. All electronic devices draw power whenever they are plugged in, even though, to my understanding, they have an internal switch that is supposed to prevent that. Over time, it wears down, and current feeds into the device, even though it's off. This is especially true of large devices like TVs, game consoles, and computers, which use a lot of energy, and anything with an LED indicator light. If the light is on, you are wasting electricity and generating heat. Even if the light isn't on, if the device is plugged in, you will be using power. My solution was to plug everything in to power strips that have on/off breaker switches, organized into power groups; stuff not used daily -video game systems, for example- have a power strip that stays off most of the time, while commonly-used devices like TV and computer are wired to a single strip so they can easily be turned on during the day. The difference between having the devices plugged directly into an outlet vs. using a power strip is that when you turn off the power strip, the circuit is interrupted, and no power flows through the strip, so it can't even reach the device to be wasted. You can't do that with standard outlets (although GFCI outlets are good for this).
Invest in a small kiddie pool or a large sturdy tote. I know, whaaaaat? Even if you live in an apartment, a cool foot soak can easily turn even the most miserably hot, still night, into an entirely comfortable (and skin-nourishing!!) experience. If you have enough space in your living room, move the table and set up a cool foot soak (if you use a kiddie pool, get one that is hard-sided; you do NOT want to risk it going flat and flooding the living room). Water contact causes you to lose body heat 25 times faster than air contact, which is why you get hypothermia so much faster in water than air, but the same applies to small temperature differences, as well. As long as the water is colder than about 80 degrees F, it will help you feel better. As a bonus, when you no longer need or want your foot soak, you can use the water (assuming you didn't add anything to it) to water houseplants!
Close off any view of outside, and watch a string of winter-themed movies or shows. Seriously, it really does help. Since we generally watch winter-themed movies in winter, and the sight of snow reminds us of cold, this is purely a psychological trick, but a reasonably effective one. Just resist the temptation to look out the window to verify the weather, and allow your suspension of disbelief to take over.
I find that cold showers just make me miserable really quickly afterwards; your body is convinced that it's now cold, and you thus need to conserve body heat. As contrary as it sounds, though, a hot shower on a hot day is marvelous. For much the same reason as the cooling problem, the body thinks it's REALLY hot after a hot shower, and that it needs to cool very quickly. Because any temp post-shower is cooler than during-shower, you feel better, and the effect lasts longer. Best to air-dry. I find this actually makes me quite chilled for a long while, while a cold shower leads me to sweat within minutes of getting out.
If you want to do outdoor activities, pick up a parasol or cheap umbrella; the sun/shade difference is really quite impressive, and you aren't stuck hanging out under trees. I took a parasol on a whale-watching boat ride a few years ago, and it was easily the best choice I've made about sun protection in a long time. A parasol/umbrella and a utility clamp combine to make an excellent chair shade on-the-cheap, and the whole setup is great for sitting around the outdoor kiddie pool, soaking feet and having some frozen drinks.
Frozen drinks bring me to my next point, though; they don't cool you down. Not really. They may make you feel cooler, briefly, but similar to a cold shower, the extreme cold temp of the ice actually shocks your system, and can increase heat output. The best thing to drink on a hot day is just-cooler-than-room-temp water, something in the 60-80 degree range, depending on preference. Just like the shower trick, though, you CAN drink hot fluids when it's hot out, and for a very similar reason, it will make you feel cooler after a brief uncomfortable period.
If you have a desk fan and a spray bottle, you can mist yourself when it's really bad, but beware; after the water dries, you'll feel warmer than you were before. This trick is really only good for the worst of the hot days, because you have to keep spraying yourself to stay cool. It does work, just not the best.
With a bit of metal tube, an aquarium water pump (from amazon, you can get a decent one for about $8-12) a foam cooler, some ice, and a fan, you can make a dehumidifier/air conditioner. This will only work until the ice melts completely, so it's not really a long-term solution, but it can be super useful on really humid days. You can probably find a way to add dry ice to it to make it last longer, but I don't really know where to get that around here, so I haven't tried it. Either way, I found directions for it online. There are also directions to convert an old window AC unit into a dehumidifier for the house, but I haven't tried that, either.
If you want cold coffee (iced-style) but don't want it watered down (seriously, eew) you can pour what's left of your pot into ice cube trays and pop them in the freezer. Add a few of these to your coffee for a wonderful iced-but-not-thinned morning cup. Whiskey stones are also quite good for this. Avoid using those plastic water-filled ice cube things, though; not only does heat tend to increase leaching of chemicals from plastics, the sudden shift in temp can cause them to break.
If you have access to your ventilation system, and especially if you keep your furnace in the basement, keep your fans blowing year-round. If your always-on furnace fan isn't sufficient, consider investing in in-line vent fans; they aren't too pricey, and they drastically increase air movement, though they do tend to be a bit on the loud side. If you have the option, have your air drawn from the basement in summer; the basement is a natural heat sink, generally staying right around 55 degrees F (~12C) so circulating that air will help keep everything much cooler. This trick works best when you keep it running this way for days at a time, because it does take time for the heat to leach out and equalize.
Just like with heating in winter, close off any rooms (ideally, corner or south-facing rooms) not in use, but keep windows open in them. The closed rooms will act as a heat/cool buffer zone, and help to regulate the overall temp, while also decreasing the cubic footage that needs to stay cool. By keeping windows open, with a fan blowing out if you have one to spare, you ensure that heat and moisture don't build up beyond the ambient outdoor levels, preventing humidity-related damage as well as preventing a pocket of excessive heat from being in contact with the rest of the space (through walls/door). This helps most when it's hotter outside than inside, and you don't have windows open throughout the house. Rooms can be opened again when the temp falls below whatever comfort point you like, to maximize air flow. I have a second floor south-facing room that spans the entire front of the house, and that sucker gets amazingly hot very ridiculously quickly. Closing it off, having light-blocking curtains, and keeping the windows open has made HUGE improvements to the temp of the rest of the house. And with just one room!
If you have a window AC, and more than one story, put it somewhere on the second floor, close to the middle of the structure or near the stairs, make sure your ventilation system is running, and put a circulating fan in front of it to blow the air into the hall. This can keep most average-size homes a reasonable temperature, but don't expect it to keep the whole house at 50 degrees. Cool air, being more dense, sinks, and the heated air tends to be concentrated on the second floor anyway, so this strategy is very effective. As a bonus, if you have a non-bedroom you can put the unit in, it will keep noise levels manageable, and should keep most rooms fairly comfortable. This couples very nicely with the window fan with cardboard mentioned above.
Share your odd tips and tricks for staying cool, I love learning news hacks to make life easier!!!
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Getting sterilized
So I'm finally taking the plunge. Not the same plunge most people are talking about when they use that line, but something no less important.
I'm on step 2 in the process of getting a tubal ligation. Step one was getting a recommendation from my PC doctor, step 2 is the consultation I have scheduled for the 14th.
The whole thing is apparently much easier if 1. There is something wrong with your reproductive organs. 2. You have had an abortion. 3. You have already made your family.
That's not horrible, that the process is harder for someone without those qualifiers.. but it does suck having to explain over and over that yes, yes I have thought about this, and yes, even though I'm under 30 and childless, this is what I want.
I'm trying to give my doctors an honest impression of my situation, and to that end, when asked (screening question) if I'd ever had an abortion, I said "quite honestly, that's exactly what I'm trying to avoid".
Now, I realize how horrible it is to say that my options are sterilization or abortion, especially since I personally know other women who want and cannot have kids, but for me, that's reality. I made the decision a long time ago that, given the state of my life, if I found myself pregnant despite my best efforts to prevent it, the quality of life of the child was more important than any guilt I may feel about the process. Since I don't feel I could give a child what it deserves, abortion is my best option -mind, I do use birth control, and always have. Abortion is not an option I wish to exercise if it can be avoided. If you don't agree with that decision, that's your right, but this is the choice that's right for me, for my life.
What it boils down to, at the end of the day, is that I realized that I don't have much capacity for nurturing. Sure I can manage pets, and sure, I look fine with kids, but I'm not. They make me uncomfortable until they hit double digits, because they aren't capable of having much in the way of a real conversation. I don't have the patience to deal with kid-noise, and I can barely keep my house clean as it is. Very simply, I know I'm not responsible enough to trust myself with a child.
Let me rephrase that; I might be great with kids, and that's awesome, but I'm not cut out for parenting. I highly respect people who can do the whole reproducing thing, especially if they thought about it beforehand. I want to be very clear that I'm not judging others because they've made a different choice than have I. I try to ask for the same consideration.
Someone who doesn't want to get married or have kids doesn't get that sort of respect from society. I've heard it all. "It'll be different once you have them." "You are too young to make that sort of choice." "You'll regret it if you don't do it." "You are being selfish, what if your partner wants kids?" "everyone thinks they don't want them until they have them." "Once you have the first one, you'll want a whole bunch more" and other various statements of the like. I hear the same sorts of things about marriage. "Don't you love him?" "what if he leaves you because you aren't married?" "What if you have kids?" "what about buying a house and having a life?"
Some of these statements, I've recently learned, are technically true. It is different when you have your own kids, but only because of the intense hormone cocktail that hijacks your system and more or less forces you to be nurturing and caring. The brain gets rewired, thanks to that baby. I'm sorry, but I really don't want that. I want to keep my brain working as-is, if only because I have no say in the hormone overdose, and I think that's crap. Just because it's in our nature, and we've evolved to want it, doesn't mean that clear heads should not prevail. I can barely manage to take care of myself, the last thing I need is a biological drive to sacrifice what little good I have in my life for the wellbeing of something I don't want in the first place. Pets don't cause this problem, and I have many.
Some of those statements are just plain hurtful. Telling me that I haven't thought enough about it, or that I'll change my mind (implying that I haven't thought about it at all) leads me to believe that people saying those things don't think I'm capable of weighing the pros and cons. The sick reality is that I've probably put more thought into not having kids than most people do into having them; after all, all you need to have a baby is an accident. You don't need to think about whether or not it's a good choice for you, since it's assumed that it is. You don't need to consider if you are fit to be a parent, because if you weren't fit, you wouldn't be having one, right?
Conversely, I've spent the better part of a decade weighing the pros and cons, thinking over every possibility, both good and bad. I did not reach my decision lightly, and in fact, I used to think I wanted kids, because that's what I was told was what life was about; husband, house, family. I spent years trying to work out how I could achieve my life goals and still have a family, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that kids just aren't a good fit. I want to travel the world, visit every country, never stay put. The world is a big place, and not experiencing it is a waste of life as far as my own personal view is concerned. (Again, if job, house, family is all you want in life, that's great!I'm not judging. It's just not what I want.) I realized that these ambitions would be nearly impossible if I had a family tying me down. Still, I thought long and hard about what giving up one or the other would mean, and I realized that I would miss a lot more by having a family than I would by making my life complete. The plans I came up with to zip these two lives together were ridiculous and convoluted, and never would have worked out.
By far, the most common and most obnoxious question I get is "what if you regret it?" nobody ever thinks about the flip-side of that question; what if I have the kids, and regret THAT choice? One regret can be fixed through adoption -there are more than enough babies in the world, and I don't need mine to share genetics with me- the other is an 18+ year commitment, regret or no. I've read forums filled with women who regret starting a family. They love their children, but they hate the life that comes with it. That regret doesn't go away just because we wish it would, or try to ignore it. Some people aren't cut out for it, just like some people aren't cut out to be surgeons because they can't stand the sight of blood, or pilots because they fear heights. You can't convince your way out of that; if it's not right, it's not right.
The honest reality is that, commitment issues aside, I just really don't like kids, and trying to convince me otherwise is not going to work. They are loud, which I can't stand both due to preference and due to headaches, they are messy, and I can barely clean up after myself, they are expensive, and I hate spending money and being broke, and they need a LOT of interaction from their parents. I have a hard time setting aside time to train the parrots I inherited, and I think they are neat; I enjoy working with them, and I still can't get myself to do it consistently. That's no situation to bring a child in to.
My partner is on board with my decision, and even his mom is perfectly OK with it (she's also supportive of us not getting married, which is a relief. She told me that, were it not nearly 40 years too late, she wouldn't marry, either) though being that he's his father's only child, his dad's not the happiest. He hasn't said anything about it, though, so he can go right ahead and feel however he wants about it. My partner said that he's getting a bit old to be starting a family, anyway (he's 9 years my senior, which makes him 37, presently) and that he doesn't want to be old and useless when his kids are just hitting the point in life when they are fun to be around. He also seems to realize that, since most of his sibling's kids are my age (talk about awkward... The oldest is 2 years younger than I am, and out of nearly 10 kids, only 2 are under 18 ) he can enjoy them having families, and he can be the awesome great uncle, without having to change his own life significantly to do so. That seems like a pretty awesome compromise for all involved.
Even so, I've been called selfish for not wanting kids, because everyone assumes my partner had no say in my decision. To be sure, if he had said "no, I definitely want kids" we certainly would not still be together, but only because we would want different things from life, and it never would have worked. A relationship, no matter how good, is never NEVER worth sacrificing your happiness. Nobody in that situation ends life content. But that's not what happened at all. I feel my decision is the opposite of selfish. More selfish would be to have them anyway, just because that's what I think I should do, knowing full well it's not a good fit. Children can tell when they aren't wanted, or when they are a burden. I could never do that to a sentient being.
The brutal reality is that my partner is so on-board with my decision that he volunteered to take a day off work to take me to the hospital 2.5 hours away (VA hospital; free healthcare for vets, but lots of driving to get it) and said "don't worry about when, just make the appointment, and I'll take off work." and THEN he's willing to sacrifice sex for an indeterminate amount of time after, until I feel better. If that isn't support, I don't know what is. It probably helps that I played nursemaid when he had hernia surgery.. even removed the bandages and redressed them, because he couldn't stomach the sight. Thank you, mom, for watching graphic surgical shows with dinner while I was growing up; a strong stomach has served me well. He seems excited that I'll be 99.9999999999999999% protected, since I'll still be getting depo injections (hormone control for headache control, and also I don't like the baggage Aunt Flo brings with) even though that's basically the same level of protection I have now, with my IUD.
We both enjoy the DINK life we have now (Dual Income, No Kids); we have the freedom to enjoy our time on earth, sans major responsibility. We can afford to do things that couples with kids can't, normally. We don't have to worry about what to do with the kids when we want to do something, or go somewhere, and making arrangements for someone to come take care of animals is much easier. Does it matter if our goals in life are different from yours or anyone else's? I don't think so..
A couple of pointers for those of you who with kids or who plan to have kids;
It's great that you are doing that, and have thought about it; we need a minimum number of babies every year to maintain the population, and we all appreciate the sacrifices you make to promote the species. But we do have quite a lot of babies, and we certainly don't need more from people who don't really want them. Please respect that just the way we respect you for the choice you've made.
Please don't try to convince people that your answer is the right one for them, too. Most people who have decided not to have kids have given it a great deal of thought. Our society is so focused on reproduction and centers so much around children that it's impossible not to think about. Please don't talk to us as though you know better; you don't. You only know what works for you.
We don't judge your decision, please don't judge ours, even if you don't agree with it. It doesn't matter, ultimately, what you think about our decision, you'll just be burning bridges. You will burn them, not us.
When you discuss reproduction with friends, ask them if they are PLANNING to reproduce, don't ask them WHEN they will reproduce. It seems like such a small thing, but it emphasizes to the person with whom you are speaking that you understand that it's their decision, and that you respect it either way. It also opens up a dialogue. The planning question not only leaves room to change the mind if necessary, but also discourages a lot of defensiveness. It's difficult not to be defensive when everyone is trying to convince you that you are making the wrong choice.
Don't assume that what worked for you, and what you experienced, will be the same for everyone. Keep in mind that many women, and sometimes even men, experience major life changes such as depression and stress with the birth of children, and some people aren't as well suited to deal with these complications as others. Also be aware that this is a major life change, complete with new hormone levels, new responsibilities, new commitments, and new expectations, and the end result is not the same for two people. We each are the sum of our experiences, and you never know what came before now that could change the way someone sees an event.
Keep in mind that what was a wonderful experience for you might be a living nightmare for someone else. If you don't believe me, do a google search for "I hate being a mother"; the stories are heartbreaking. You can judge those people, if you must, but remember; they were, by and large, pressured into changing their minds about having them.
At the end of the day, it's a personal decision. Feel free to discuss it, but understand that the decision was made with great care in nearly every case. If someone doesn't want kids, for whatever reason, great! They shouldn't have them if they don't want them. Everyone is happier that way.
I'm on step 2 in the process of getting a tubal ligation. Step one was getting a recommendation from my PC doctor, step 2 is the consultation I have scheduled for the 14th.
The whole thing is apparently much easier if 1. There is something wrong with your reproductive organs. 2. You have had an abortion. 3. You have already made your family.
That's not horrible, that the process is harder for someone without those qualifiers.. but it does suck having to explain over and over that yes, yes I have thought about this, and yes, even though I'm under 30 and childless, this is what I want.
I'm trying to give my doctors an honest impression of my situation, and to that end, when asked (screening question) if I'd ever had an abortion, I said "quite honestly, that's exactly what I'm trying to avoid".
Now, I realize how horrible it is to say that my options are sterilization or abortion, especially since I personally know other women who want and cannot have kids, but for me, that's reality. I made the decision a long time ago that, given the state of my life, if I found myself pregnant despite my best efforts to prevent it, the quality of life of the child was more important than any guilt I may feel about the process. Since I don't feel I could give a child what it deserves, abortion is my best option -mind, I do use birth control, and always have. Abortion is not an option I wish to exercise if it can be avoided. If you don't agree with that decision, that's your right, but this is the choice that's right for me, for my life.
What it boils down to, at the end of the day, is that I realized that I don't have much capacity for nurturing. Sure I can manage pets, and sure, I look fine with kids, but I'm not. They make me uncomfortable until they hit double digits, because they aren't capable of having much in the way of a real conversation. I don't have the patience to deal with kid-noise, and I can barely keep my house clean as it is. Very simply, I know I'm not responsible enough to trust myself with a child.
Let me rephrase that; I might be great with kids, and that's awesome, but I'm not cut out for parenting. I highly respect people who can do the whole reproducing thing, especially if they thought about it beforehand. I want to be very clear that I'm not judging others because they've made a different choice than have I. I try to ask for the same consideration.
Someone who doesn't want to get married or have kids doesn't get that sort of respect from society. I've heard it all. "It'll be different once you have them." "You are too young to make that sort of choice." "You'll regret it if you don't do it." "You are being selfish, what if your partner wants kids?" "everyone thinks they don't want them until they have them." "Once you have the first one, you'll want a whole bunch more" and other various statements of the like. I hear the same sorts of things about marriage. "Don't you love him?" "what if he leaves you because you aren't married?" "What if you have kids?" "what about buying a house and having a life?"
Some of these statements, I've recently learned, are technically true. It is different when you have your own kids, but only because of the intense hormone cocktail that hijacks your system and more or less forces you to be nurturing and caring. The brain gets rewired, thanks to that baby. I'm sorry, but I really don't want that. I want to keep my brain working as-is, if only because I have no say in the hormone overdose, and I think that's crap. Just because it's in our nature, and we've evolved to want it, doesn't mean that clear heads should not prevail. I can barely manage to take care of myself, the last thing I need is a biological drive to sacrifice what little good I have in my life for the wellbeing of something I don't want in the first place. Pets don't cause this problem, and I have many.
Some of those statements are just plain hurtful. Telling me that I haven't thought enough about it, or that I'll change my mind (implying that I haven't thought about it at all) leads me to believe that people saying those things don't think I'm capable of weighing the pros and cons. The sick reality is that I've probably put more thought into not having kids than most people do into having them; after all, all you need to have a baby is an accident. You don't need to think about whether or not it's a good choice for you, since it's assumed that it is. You don't need to consider if you are fit to be a parent, because if you weren't fit, you wouldn't be having one, right?
Conversely, I've spent the better part of a decade weighing the pros and cons, thinking over every possibility, both good and bad. I did not reach my decision lightly, and in fact, I used to think I wanted kids, because that's what I was told was what life was about; husband, house, family. I spent years trying to work out how I could achieve my life goals and still have a family, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that kids just aren't a good fit. I want to travel the world, visit every country, never stay put. The world is a big place, and not experiencing it is a waste of life as far as my own personal view is concerned. (Again, if job, house, family is all you want in life, that's great!I'm not judging. It's just not what I want.) I realized that these ambitions would be nearly impossible if I had a family tying me down. Still, I thought long and hard about what giving up one or the other would mean, and I realized that I would miss a lot more by having a family than I would by making my life complete. The plans I came up with to zip these two lives together were ridiculous and convoluted, and never would have worked out.
By far, the most common and most obnoxious question I get is "what if you regret it?" nobody ever thinks about the flip-side of that question; what if I have the kids, and regret THAT choice? One regret can be fixed through adoption -there are more than enough babies in the world, and I don't need mine to share genetics with me- the other is an 18+ year commitment, regret or no. I've read forums filled with women who regret starting a family. They love their children, but they hate the life that comes with it. That regret doesn't go away just because we wish it would, or try to ignore it. Some people aren't cut out for it, just like some people aren't cut out to be surgeons because they can't stand the sight of blood, or pilots because they fear heights. You can't convince your way out of that; if it's not right, it's not right.
The honest reality is that, commitment issues aside, I just really don't like kids, and trying to convince me otherwise is not going to work. They are loud, which I can't stand both due to preference and due to headaches, they are messy, and I can barely clean up after myself, they are expensive, and I hate spending money and being broke, and they need a LOT of interaction from their parents. I have a hard time setting aside time to train the parrots I inherited, and I think they are neat; I enjoy working with them, and I still can't get myself to do it consistently. That's no situation to bring a child in to.
My partner is on board with my decision, and even his mom is perfectly OK with it (she's also supportive of us not getting married, which is a relief. She told me that, were it not nearly 40 years too late, she wouldn't marry, either) though being that he's his father's only child, his dad's not the happiest. He hasn't said anything about it, though, so he can go right ahead and feel however he wants about it. My partner said that he's getting a bit old to be starting a family, anyway (he's 9 years my senior, which makes him 37, presently) and that he doesn't want to be old and useless when his kids are just hitting the point in life when they are fun to be around. He also seems to realize that, since most of his sibling's kids are my age (talk about awkward... The oldest is 2 years younger than I am, and out of nearly 10 kids, only 2 are under 18 ) he can enjoy them having families, and he can be the awesome great uncle, without having to change his own life significantly to do so. That seems like a pretty awesome compromise for all involved.
Even so, I've been called selfish for not wanting kids, because everyone assumes my partner had no say in my decision. To be sure, if he had said "no, I definitely want kids" we certainly would not still be together, but only because we would want different things from life, and it never would have worked. A relationship, no matter how good, is never NEVER worth sacrificing your happiness. Nobody in that situation ends life content. But that's not what happened at all. I feel my decision is the opposite of selfish. More selfish would be to have them anyway, just because that's what I think I should do, knowing full well it's not a good fit. Children can tell when they aren't wanted, or when they are a burden. I could never do that to a sentient being.
The brutal reality is that my partner is so on-board with my decision that he volunteered to take a day off work to take me to the hospital 2.5 hours away (VA hospital; free healthcare for vets, but lots of driving to get it) and said "don't worry about when, just make the appointment, and I'll take off work." and THEN he's willing to sacrifice sex for an indeterminate amount of time after, until I feel better. If that isn't support, I don't know what is. It probably helps that I played nursemaid when he had hernia surgery.. even removed the bandages and redressed them, because he couldn't stomach the sight. Thank you, mom, for watching graphic surgical shows with dinner while I was growing up; a strong stomach has served me well. He seems excited that I'll be 99.9999999999999999% protected, since I'll still be getting depo injections (hormone control for headache control, and also I don't like the baggage Aunt Flo brings with) even though that's basically the same level of protection I have now, with my IUD.
We both enjoy the DINK life we have now (Dual Income, No Kids); we have the freedom to enjoy our time on earth, sans major responsibility. We can afford to do things that couples with kids can't, normally. We don't have to worry about what to do with the kids when we want to do something, or go somewhere, and making arrangements for someone to come take care of animals is much easier. Does it matter if our goals in life are different from yours or anyone else's? I don't think so..
A couple of pointers for those of you who with kids or who plan to have kids;
It's great that you are doing that, and have thought about it; we need a minimum number of babies every year to maintain the population, and we all appreciate the sacrifices you make to promote the species. But we do have quite a lot of babies, and we certainly don't need more from people who don't really want them. Please respect that just the way we respect you for the choice you've made.
Please don't try to convince people that your answer is the right one for them, too. Most people who have decided not to have kids have given it a great deal of thought. Our society is so focused on reproduction and centers so much around children that it's impossible not to think about. Please don't talk to us as though you know better; you don't. You only know what works for you.
We don't judge your decision, please don't judge ours, even if you don't agree with it. It doesn't matter, ultimately, what you think about our decision, you'll just be burning bridges. You will burn them, not us.
When you discuss reproduction with friends, ask them if they are PLANNING to reproduce, don't ask them WHEN they will reproduce. It seems like such a small thing, but it emphasizes to the person with whom you are speaking that you understand that it's their decision, and that you respect it either way. It also opens up a dialogue. The planning question not only leaves room to change the mind if necessary, but also discourages a lot of defensiveness. It's difficult not to be defensive when everyone is trying to convince you that you are making the wrong choice.
Don't assume that what worked for you, and what you experienced, will be the same for everyone. Keep in mind that many women, and sometimes even men, experience major life changes such as depression and stress with the birth of children, and some people aren't as well suited to deal with these complications as others. Also be aware that this is a major life change, complete with new hormone levels, new responsibilities, new commitments, and new expectations, and the end result is not the same for two people. We each are the sum of our experiences, and you never know what came before now that could change the way someone sees an event.
Keep in mind that what was a wonderful experience for you might be a living nightmare for someone else. If you don't believe me, do a google search for "I hate being a mother"; the stories are heartbreaking. You can judge those people, if you must, but remember; they were, by and large, pressured into changing their minds about having them.
At the end of the day, it's a personal decision. Feel free to discuss it, but understand that the decision was made with great care in nearly every case. If someone doesn't want kids, for whatever reason, great! They shouldn't have them if they don't want them. Everyone is happier that way.
Sunday, July 5, 2015
Feeling bad for having limits
I feel like a horrible person today.
Why, you ask?
Because I can't do the things I want to do.
Small potatoes, right? well not this time. This time, well-being is on the line, and not just my own.
In 2011, my mom died of cancer. About 7-10 years before that, she bought a pair of conure parrots, and didn't do much with them. When she died, I inherited them, because nobody else could or would look out for them, and pets are a serious commitment in my family; almost all of them have been rescue or adoption, and we understand all too well what giving up a pet means. It's not a decision we have ever made lightly.
2 years ago, I had to find a new home for one of my cats who was having major adjustment issues when we moved. She was the type of cat who needed to be the only cat, and who needed a lot more affection than 2 people with active lives could give her. Basically, she was the type of cat who needed a big family. We do not, nor will we ever, have that, and the realization that we couldn't provide for her was painful. We tried absolutely everything to help her cope with the new situation, which included moving to a house which was much larger than my old apartment, the boyfriend moving in as well, and the previous owners of the house having had pets of their own which marked the carpet. She began marking her territory, claiming the humans and chasing off the other cat, howling at night, all night every night, harassing us in bed, the works. She started throwing up more often that she had previously (long-haired cat; she threw up a lot already) and seemed generally stressed and unhappy. We tried for 6 months to help her adjust, and made no progress.
I had to think long and hard about what she needed, instead of what I needed. Eventually, I found her a family with 4 kids and no indoor pets, where she could be the adored center of attention whenever she needed to be. Somewhere that she didn't feel like she needed to claim her space, because it was all her space.
This situation is slightly different. Conures REALLY like to scream. I'm pretty sure it's their favorite activity. That would be OK, if it weren't for the headaches. As it stands, though, every scream is like an ice pick in my skull. I can't give them what they need because I can't cope with keeping them. That's horrible. I want to spend time with them, and train them, and play with them, but they haven't been worked with enough for that to be feasible, and when I do try to work with them, the noise they make just kills me.
I grew up with birds. We've almost always had them. My parents had a cockatoo when I was small, I had a 'keet of my own when I was 11 or so, and of course the conures, so I'm comfortable with them and their needs, just.. the noise. Parrots are well-known for their insane volume, and the bigger the bird, the louder they are; conures are roughly a foot from beak to tail, so they aren't the largest or the loudest, but they are still quite obnoxiously loud and, like I said, they love to scream. Especially when you get a phone call.
I don't even mind the biting, to be honest, since it only happens when they get out of the cage and I have to catch them -although it does usually draw blood, and I wouldn't mind something with a little less skin-piercing ability- but the preying mantids I kept in the living room last year had easily as much ability to injure me, and I loved keeping them, as well. You just avoid behavior that provokes them, whenever possible.
Conures can live for 35 years. Mine are about 15 now, give or take a few years. I don't think I could survive another 15 years of them. I've done my best, and I've trained them to the best of my ability, but they were never handled before I got them, so progress is painfully slow. I thought if I could just get them to interact with me, I could deal with the noise as a trade-off for companions. This has been largely unsuccessful, because I have no clue what I'm doing, especially with something so smart. They are much easier to train before they are mature, and while older birds can be trained, I don't have a clue how.
I find the situation terribly frustrating; I can't deal with them, I don't want to abandon them, and I don't want to lose the companionship of my critters. I keep a lot of pets to fill a void within myself; I enjoy having things that I can be responsible for, which I can keep happy and healthy, but which don't require a set schedule like dogs and their incessant need to go out to potty, or kids.. we all know how demanding those things are.. :p . I like having critters with which I can interact and observe, since the calm of observation and the relaxation of focus (interaction) really seem to help me stay grounded.
Today, I contacted a bird rescue group. I feel like a failure for not being able to be a person who could take care of them. I tried, for 5 years, to be that person, and I just can't do it; the noise is just too much. I feel like even more of a failure for including, with the letter, a statement about wanting to continue keeping birds, as I really enjoy them, and suggesting that perhaps a group of finches or parakeets might work better for me, as I've kept them before and enjoyed the company. This is pure speculation, but I assume that rescue groups don't like to hear "I can't deal with this pet, but I'd like you to give me a different one."
I explained the whole situation, including why I ended up with them, why I can't keep them, and why a different sort of bird would be OK while conures are not, but.. if I were them, would I trust me? I don't really know.. It's not because I don't have the capacity to care for them, it's just that what I ended up with is a bad fit for my life.
I hope the bird rescue place will understand my situation, and try to work something out with me; I don't have a lot of money for adoption fees of new birds, especially multiple birds, but I don't want to lose my companions just because I realize that the ones I have now aren't getting the life they deserve. I also hope they won't think I'm a bad person for wanting them to go to a home where they can be loved and adored as the beautiful companions they deserve to be.
Rock. Me. Hard place.
Why, you ask?
Because I can't do the things I want to do.
Small potatoes, right? well not this time. This time, well-being is on the line, and not just my own.
In 2011, my mom died of cancer. About 7-10 years before that, she bought a pair of conure parrots, and didn't do much with them. When she died, I inherited them, because nobody else could or would look out for them, and pets are a serious commitment in my family; almost all of them have been rescue or adoption, and we understand all too well what giving up a pet means. It's not a decision we have ever made lightly.
2 years ago, I had to find a new home for one of my cats who was having major adjustment issues when we moved. She was the type of cat who needed to be the only cat, and who needed a lot more affection than 2 people with active lives could give her. Basically, she was the type of cat who needed a big family. We do not, nor will we ever, have that, and the realization that we couldn't provide for her was painful. We tried absolutely everything to help her cope with the new situation, which included moving to a house which was much larger than my old apartment, the boyfriend moving in as well, and the previous owners of the house having had pets of their own which marked the carpet. She began marking her territory, claiming the humans and chasing off the other cat, howling at night, all night every night, harassing us in bed, the works. She started throwing up more often that she had previously (long-haired cat; she threw up a lot already) and seemed generally stressed and unhappy. We tried for 6 months to help her adjust, and made no progress.
I had to think long and hard about what she needed, instead of what I needed. Eventually, I found her a family with 4 kids and no indoor pets, where she could be the adored center of attention whenever she needed to be. Somewhere that she didn't feel like she needed to claim her space, because it was all her space.
This situation is slightly different. Conures REALLY like to scream. I'm pretty sure it's their favorite activity. That would be OK, if it weren't for the headaches. As it stands, though, every scream is like an ice pick in my skull. I can't give them what they need because I can't cope with keeping them. That's horrible. I want to spend time with them, and train them, and play with them, but they haven't been worked with enough for that to be feasible, and when I do try to work with them, the noise they make just kills me.
I grew up with birds. We've almost always had them. My parents had a cockatoo when I was small, I had a 'keet of my own when I was 11 or so, and of course the conures, so I'm comfortable with them and their needs, just.. the noise. Parrots are well-known for their insane volume, and the bigger the bird, the louder they are; conures are roughly a foot from beak to tail, so they aren't the largest or the loudest, but they are still quite obnoxiously loud and, like I said, they love to scream. Especially when you get a phone call.
I don't even mind the biting, to be honest, since it only happens when they get out of the cage and I have to catch them -although it does usually draw blood, and I wouldn't mind something with a little less skin-piercing ability- but the preying mantids I kept in the living room last year had easily as much ability to injure me, and I loved keeping them, as well. You just avoid behavior that provokes them, whenever possible.
Conures can live for 35 years. Mine are about 15 now, give or take a few years. I don't think I could survive another 15 years of them. I've done my best, and I've trained them to the best of my ability, but they were never handled before I got them, so progress is painfully slow. I thought if I could just get them to interact with me, I could deal with the noise as a trade-off for companions. This has been largely unsuccessful, because I have no clue what I'm doing, especially with something so smart. They are much easier to train before they are mature, and while older birds can be trained, I don't have a clue how.
I find the situation terribly frustrating; I can't deal with them, I don't want to abandon them, and I don't want to lose the companionship of my critters. I keep a lot of pets to fill a void within myself; I enjoy having things that I can be responsible for, which I can keep happy and healthy, but which don't require a set schedule like dogs and their incessant need to go out to potty, or kids.. we all know how demanding those things are.. :p . I like having critters with which I can interact and observe, since the calm of observation and the relaxation of focus (interaction) really seem to help me stay grounded.
Today, I contacted a bird rescue group. I feel like a failure for not being able to be a person who could take care of them. I tried, for 5 years, to be that person, and I just can't do it; the noise is just too much. I feel like even more of a failure for including, with the letter, a statement about wanting to continue keeping birds, as I really enjoy them, and suggesting that perhaps a group of finches or parakeets might work better for me, as I've kept them before and enjoyed the company. This is pure speculation, but I assume that rescue groups don't like to hear "I can't deal with this pet, but I'd like you to give me a different one."
I explained the whole situation, including why I ended up with them, why I can't keep them, and why a different sort of bird would be OK while conures are not, but.. if I were them, would I trust me? I don't really know.. It's not because I don't have the capacity to care for them, it's just that what I ended up with is a bad fit for my life.
I hope the bird rescue place will understand my situation, and try to work something out with me; I don't have a lot of money for adoption fees of new birds, especially multiple birds, but I don't want to lose my companions just because I realize that the ones I have now aren't getting the life they deserve. I also hope they won't think I'm a bad person for wanting them to go to a home where they can be loved and adored as the beautiful companions they deserve to be.
Rock. Me. Hard place.
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
Honesty is always the best policy.
I live my life honestly. I don't mean I'm not a cheat, although I'm not. What I mean is that.. I really have great difficulty being dishonest with people, and whenever possible, I just give the full, blunt, brutal truth. Yes, it causes a lot of problems sometimes, but I've found that the result of not being completely honest is much worse. The following is just one example, a situation which just transpired, of why honesty is my go-to policy for interpersonal contact.
I have the weekend to myself, even though it's a holiday weekend and we had plans; the VA screwed up and didn't set my appointment, so my suppression treatment was interrupted, and I'm about a month, plus or minus a few days, overdue for my injections. Resulting, of course, in miserablemonkey. I had a headache for almost 2 weeks straight (thankfully it has stopped being a constant wake-to-sleep pain) and I've been so edgy that, frankly, it's a wonder I haven't pushed everyone away. Let's just say it got to the point where I started thinking about just how poorly suited campering with a huge family (the BF's, not my own) really was to having a constant headache and needing dark, quiet, and alone-ness. And let's just say I nearly had a panic attack from dread of the situation I was about to be stuck in.
I had an honest chat with the BF, which made me feel even more like crap, when I told him that this just really wasn't a good time. He didn't take it entirely well. The next day I wrote out the letter to loved ones (post before this one) primarily for my own benefit, but also for his, and for anyone else who's life intersects my own. I convinced him to read it, which may have been easier than I thought, because my anxiety flared up, but I told him that my very good friend felt like he understood my situation better after he read it, and I think that was enough convincing.
I sat with him while he read the 5-page document right off my blog, just like you can. I would give him special treatment, but I feel that would be singling him out, and I don't want to do that; I don't blame anyone for how they respond to my conditions, it's just a shit situation for all involved. I think presenting it as "I wrote this thing that might help people understand my pain and what helps and doesn't, and I'd really appreciate it you'd take the time to have a look" did the trick. There were a few parts I think he skipped, but for the most part, he sat and read it like a good, supportive, partner, and afterward said "a lot of those things... I guess.. I really had no idea..." He looked about ready to cry.
We then revisited the conversation regarding the family trip for July 4th. I explained, honestly, that being off of my treatment really screwed my world up, even though my treatment is suppression and reduction, not a complete symptom negation. I explained that, even if I did go, I would just end up spending the time alone, resentful, and in agony, with no hope for escape if necessary from the noise, the smoke smell, the lot of it, with the nice bonus of a couple dozen people being unnecessarily concerned about me. I explained that it was just really bad timing, and that although I want to go, it's just not a good idea, and I have to accept that that's going to happen sometimes, even though I don't like it.
He took it a lot better this time around, and we even managed to have a frank and honest discussion about which of my failings were most annoying. I want to do what I can to make everything as easy for my loved ones as possible, so I'm really open to criticism of that sort, as long as it's not phrased as an insult or complaint; I'm still human.. I get defensive. It happens.
We've now set tentative plans for after my treatment has resumed, and I feel like he understands a bit better that, when I say I -can't- do something, it's not an exaggeration or excuse, but a fact. I think he also understands a bit more, now, that I can't control or predict when it will be bad. The best I can do is deal with the symptoms when they flare up, and sometimes that means being a flake.
He also seems a bit more forgiving about my level of productivity (or more specifically, the level of my non-productivity..) and motivation, and I think it might be a bit clearer that I really do make an effort. As a bonus, my habit of listing my daily accomplishments makes a lot more sense, now, with the understanding that I'm sharing to be clear that I did what I could.
We've been together long enough that this should have been discussed a long time ago in this way, but... neither of us is really all that great at talking.. My anxiety flares up, and I can't get the right words to come out, and he just tends to be non-responsive (I think that sort of conversation just makes him really uncomfortable). We should have covered this stuff a long time ago, and perhaps we wouldn't have had the friction we have had.
Either way, regrets are useless; we have addressed it, and perhaps the results will be long-lived. Perhaps not.
If you haven't yet, I definitely recommend having this sort of conversation with your partner(s). It's really amazingly hard to do, until you've done it... then you just wonder why it took you so long.
The things that need to be said the most tend to be those most difficult to discuss.
I have the weekend to myself, even though it's a holiday weekend and we had plans; the VA screwed up and didn't set my appointment, so my suppression treatment was interrupted, and I'm about a month, plus or minus a few days, overdue for my injections. Resulting, of course, in miserablemonkey. I had a headache for almost 2 weeks straight (thankfully it has stopped being a constant wake-to-sleep pain) and I've been so edgy that, frankly, it's a wonder I haven't pushed everyone away. Let's just say it got to the point where I started thinking about just how poorly suited campering with a huge family (the BF's, not my own) really was to having a constant headache and needing dark, quiet, and alone-ness. And let's just say I nearly had a panic attack from dread of the situation I was about to be stuck in.
I had an honest chat with the BF, which made me feel even more like crap, when I told him that this just really wasn't a good time. He didn't take it entirely well. The next day I wrote out the letter to loved ones (post before this one) primarily for my own benefit, but also for his, and for anyone else who's life intersects my own. I convinced him to read it, which may have been easier than I thought, because my anxiety flared up, but I told him that my very good friend felt like he understood my situation better after he read it, and I think that was enough convincing.
I sat with him while he read the 5-page document right off my blog, just like you can. I would give him special treatment, but I feel that would be singling him out, and I don't want to do that; I don't blame anyone for how they respond to my conditions, it's just a shit situation for all involved. I think presenting it as "I wrote this thing that might help people understand my pain and what helps and doesn't, and I'd really appreciate it you'd take the time to have a look" did the trick. There were a few parts I think he skipped, but for the most part, he sat and read it like a good, supportive, partner, and afterward said "a lot of those things... I guess.. I really had no idea..." He looked about ready to cry.
We then revisited the conversation regarding the family trip for July 4th. I explained, honestly, that being off of my treatment really screwed my world up, even though my treatment is suppression and reduction, not a complete symptom negation. I explained that, even if I did go, I would just end up spending the time alone, resentful, and in agony, with no hope for escape if necessary from the noise, the smoke smell, the lot of it, with the nice bonus of a couple dozen people being unnecessarily concerned about me. I explained that it was just really bad timing, and that although I want to go, it's just not a good idea, and I have to accept that that's going to happen sometimes, even though I don't like it.
He took it a lot better this time around, and we even managed to have a frank and honest discussion about which of my failings were most annoying. I want to do what I can to make everything as easy for my loved ones as possible, so I'm really open to criticism of that sort, as long as it's not phrased as an insult or complaint; I'm still human.. I get defensive. It happens.
We've now set tentative plans for after my treatment has resumed, and I feel like he understands a bit better that, when I say I -can't- do something, it's not an exaggeration or excuse, but a fact. I think he also understands a bit more, now, that I can't control or predict when it will be bad. The best I can do is deal with the symptoms when they flare up, and sometimes that means being a flake.
He also seems a bit more forgiving about my level of productivity (or more specifically, the level of my non-productivity..) and motivation, and I think it might be a bit clearer that I really do make an effort. As a bonus, my habit of listing my daily accomplishments makes a lot more sense, now, with the understanding that I'm sharing to be clear that I did what I could.
We've been together long enough that this should have been discussed a long time ago in this way, but... neither of us is really all that great at talking.. My anxiety flares up, and I can't get the right words to come out, and he just tends to be non-responsive (I think that sort of conversation just makes him really uncomfortable). We should have covered this stuff a long time ago, and perhaps we wouldn't have had the friction we have had.
Either way, regrets are useless; we have addressed it, and perhaps the results will be long-lived. Perhaps not.
If you haven't yet, I definitely recommend having this sort of conversation with your partner(s). It's really amazingly hard to do, until you've done it... then you just wonder why it took you so long.
The things that need to be said the most tend to be those most difficult to discuss.
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